The Journals (10)
Date: 10/19/98
From: barnster

Barnabas awoke with a start. The vestiges of his dream, quickly vanishing into forgetfulness.

He stared into the darkness, trying vainly to remember his dream, and why it had awakened him.

An unreasonable fear chilled him. He looked at the clock beside the bed. 3:34am.

He raised himself on an elbow, and peered over the shoulder of the sleeping form beside him.

"Cindy?" he whispered, as he gently moved her hair that cascaded across her face. He gentle kissed her bare shoulder.

The action, made her moan sleepily, but didn't awaken her.

Satisfied that she would remain asleep, he got out of bed, and went to the small kitchenette of the cottage.

He leaned against the sink, trying to collect his thoughts. The bottles of pills that Julia was treating him with, were stood on the sill.

Cindy had counted each one. Determined to let him know, that was watching his dosage.

He reached for the bottle, and took the last remaining two. After he's crunched them, he splashed water on his face, and then take a glass, into the living room, sat heavily on the sofa.

On the table, were a number of medical textbooks, and notebooks. Amongst them, were the journals, belonging to his father.

He stretched his long legs out on the table, and leaning his head against the back of the sofa, and closed his eyes. His mind wandered back to earlier that afternoon.

After he had promised his father, that he would read the two journals, he had given him, he decided to head back to the old house, and get the first journal. Since he'd planned to do some long neglected studying, he decided to get his textbooks, too.

When they'd entered the old house, Stephanie had bounded over to Cindy with a squeal of delight.

Cindy had embraced the little girl with delight. The genuine affection she felt for the child evident on her face.

Stephanie had looked up at him; her green eyes so like Julia's shining. "Are you going to make my Daddy better, Barnabas?" she asked, timidly. It was plain, that she was afraid of him. Years of being rejected by her 'bigger' brother had left its mark, another life he'd ruined.

"Well, I'll try," he promised, as he'd knelt down to her height. She moved, unconsciously nearer to Cindy.

"Would you like Cindy, to live here Steph?" he asked her, what was for him, a friendly tone.
Stephanie looked up at Cindy, her eyes shining more brightly. "Are you REALLY going to live here?" she asked delightedly.

"Well, it's supposed to be a secret. Can you keep a secret Stephie?" asked Cindy, with a smile.

"Cross my heart, and hope to die," replied the child, crossing her heart.

"Why don't play with one of your dolls, or something," suggested Barnabas. "Or pester Daniel or Sarah."

"Danny's at the hospital with Mommy and Daddy. And Sarah's busy," pouted the child, looking more like Julia, than ever.

At that moment, Sarah had made an appearance, and the look she had offered Cindy, boded ill.

"So, I see you're back together, then?" she said haughtily.

He'd frowned, with displeasure. "Yes we are. And I don't want another word from you about it," he'd said angrily, bring a shocked look from Sarah.

"I won't be long Cin. I just want to get some things from my room. Try not to tear each other's eyes out."

He'd left them like two cats about to fight to the death.

He should have known not to leave Cindy alone with Sarah. Why they couldn't get on, was beyond him.

When he'd found the journal, and grabbed a number of his med. Books, he headed back downstairs.

"I can't believe you didn't plan this whole thing, just to get him to marry you," came Sarah's voice from the drawing room.

"Well, I didn't. I can't see why you can't accept that I love him." Cindy.

"His money, you mean! I told him, you'd do something to stop him, from becoming a doctor, and you have!"

"I've done no such thing! His money has nothing to do with it! I LOVE him! I've done more to encourage him in his studying, than you!"

"I doubt that! He was never into drugs, until he met you!"

"So you're blaming me for that too! While let me tell you, little Miss High and Mighty! I never knew his was taking drugs until Mrs. Collins told me about it, this afternoon! And the reason he got into them in the first place, was because of YOU!"

"ME!"

"Yes you, pushing him to study. Telling him how proud you were of him, not that it mattered to you, that he was struggling. He felt he had to pass, because he didn't want let you all down."

"I am proud of him! He's my BROTHER!"

"Enough!" he'd roared, stepping into the room. "I've had about as much as I can take, with this!" he'd said, his eyes blazing. "Cindy and I are getting married, whether you like it or not! Now if you can't accept that, then I'll leave Collinsport, and I'll never come back. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not!"

"Then I don't want to hear anymore, is that clear?"

Sarah had looked furiously at Cindy. It had been obvious, that she blamed her, for the chastising.

"Sarah!" he'd reproved in a warning tone.

"All right!"

"Good. Don't wait up."

"Where are you going? As if I really need to ask."

"Look, Cindy and I have a lot of talking to do. And besides, I plan to study."

"I bet you do," said Sarah scathingly. She knew what kind of studying he had in mind. He was about to become a father, for nothing!

He opened his eyes, and sighed. He eyed the books, with a frown. He'd spent five hours, going through them, and he still felt as if he had accomplished nothing.

His mind had kept wandering to his father's journals. Until finally, he'd had to quit studying and find out, what was so important.

He started with the original journal, and had read halfway through the second. Again, his father hadn't kept a regular report, of what had gone on, but at least the writing was more clearer, as he had gotten used to 20th Century writing utensils.

He picked up the first journal and flicked through until he came to the nest entry.

'April 20 1967. Have met the members of the family. I have been cast adrift in a sea of familiar faces. They are all so strange, and yet--not. Foreign names, that belong to the right faces. My mother ---Elizabeth Collins Stoddard. Cousin Millicent--- Carolyn, Elizabeth's daughter. And Victoria Winters-- a governess. Then there is Cousin David--- so much like Cousin Daniel. And once more, there is Aunt Abigail! In no less a personage as the housekeeper! Somehow, this pleases me. Oh, forgive me, dear Aunt Abigail, but you showed no mercy to Phyllis Wick, and now I will show you none!'

'April 23 1967. I have seen my dear Josette! After all these years, I have seen her again! Again, she has the unfamiliar name --Maggie Evans--- but she is MY Josette! And we shall be together, just as it was meant to be!'

Barnabas looked up from his reading with a frown. The resemblance his mother had had to Josette, had always fascinated him, even when he was child.

He had often said that it was almost as if his mother and father, were the reincarnations of his two favourite ancestors.

And yet, his father had been clearly determined that she BE Josette. But why? When she had loved him anyway? Or had she?

Then a thought crossed his mind he dared not even contemplate HAD HE REALLY LOVED HER, OR WAS IT JUST HER RESEMBLANCE TO JOSETTE?

If that had been the case, then their whole marriage had been a sham. He refused to believe that.

He had seen the way his father had looked at her, whenever she was in the room. He couldn't take his eyes of her. Accept when one other person was in the room, too. Julia Hoffman.

He had known that she and his father, were the best of friends, but he had always felt, that there was something more, than friendship between them.

Had his father loved Julia, even then? He had the feeling, that the answer would be in the journals. There must have been a reason, his father, wanted him to read them.

Maybe he hadn't intended for this particular journal to be found. The fact that it had been hidden, proved that.

He must forget his suspicions, temporally, if he were to discover the truth.

He returned his attention to the next entry, and began to read….

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production.