Subj: The Return
Date: 8/24/00 5:19:24 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Daphne

So this is who I am,
And this is all I know,
And I must choose to live,
For all that I can give,
The spark that makes the power grow

And I will stand for my dream if I can,
Symbol of my faith in who I am,
But you are my only
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead
And I won't let my heart control my head,
But you are my only,
And we don't say goodbye
And I know what I've got to be

Immortality
I make my journey through eternity
I keep the memory of you and me inside…

--Celine Dion, "Immortality"

The Return

The wind whipped the sand on the beach below Widow's Hill into a frenzy, but Grant Douglas didn't notice its stinging pain as he walked at the surf's edge. He was lost inside himself, struggling to regain a past that had been so quickly taken from him. It had been two weeks since he'd awoken in Collinsport General Hospital surrounded by strangers and unable to remember anything about himself. Dr. Hoffman had done her best to reassure him that the amnesia was only a temporary symptom of the car wreck that had injured him, but he still felt very frightened and insecure. What would happen if he regained his memory only to find that he was an evil man? Anything could have been possible in his lifetime - how would he cope with his life if he awoke one morning to find that he hated himself? Suddenly trembling from fear, Grant pulled his trenchcoat tightly around himself and retrieved the flask that he had placed in his pocket earlier that morning. It held brandy, and he had no idea why he favored that particular drink, but he welcomed its numbing shelter from his pain. Finding a place to sit, Grant watched the sun set over the ocean as he drank, wondering what had drawn him to this place. It was beautiful, and the hypnotic pull of the waves over the sand had a calming effect on him, but there was also something sinister about the landscape. Rocks jutted from the sand, and the cliffs rose to meet the horizon with a foreboding that made him feel completely alone. He sensed that something terrible had happened to him there, but when he closed his eyes and tried to picture the scene, there was nothing but darkness.

"It's alright," a gentle voice whispered, "I'm here to help you now. Don't be frightened…"

"What the hell?" Grant swore as he abruptly opened his eyes and rose unsteadily to his feet. The voice seemed sweetly familiar, but where had it come from? Turning around, he found himself face-to-face with a beautiful young woman. She was dressed in a flowing white gown and her hair was pulled up in golden ringlets that spoke of another century; there was something tragic in her eyes that he thought he recognized, but the flicker of memory was gone before it was completely remembered.

"Who are you?" he whispered, reaching out to touch her before noticing that her image was slightly distorted, as if the light of sunset was passing through her instead of around her.

"You don't remember me." It was a statement rather than a question, one that made Grant feel incredibly sad. Whoever she was, she looked at him with such an intense longing and love that it almost hurt him to be in her presence. Did he dare believe he had ever deserved such respect and devotion?

"No," he admitted, "I don't, but I wish I did. Please tell me who you are."

"My name is Beth," she whispered, "and I love you now as I did long ago."

"Long ago? So then you're really…"

"Dead? Yes, I died in 1897, the same year you left Collinwood."

"What?! How can any of this be possible?" Grant felt completely overwhelmed - it was enough to try to comprehend talking with a ghost, but to be told he was 100 years old was almost more than he could take. Feeling weak, he sat back down, thinking that this had to be the most bizarre alcohol- induced hallucination he had ever had.

"This isn't a dream, my love," Beth whispered as she knelt beside him, "I came back to help you remember your past, but there's one thing you must do for me first."

"What do you want from me?" he asked, desperate to do anything that would help him reclaim his identity.

"You must trust me completely. There are things you will learn that might seem impossible, but I would never lie to you. I never did before, and I won't start now. Do I have your trust?"

Grant laughed, a harsh, sarcastic sound that would have frightened him if he'd heard it come from someone else. "Well, I certainly don't have anything to lose now, do I?" when he noticed the hut look on her face, his tone immediately softened.

"I'm sorry, Beth, I didn't mean to sound so cruel. It's just…I'm so confused…"

"I know darling, I would be too if I was in your place. I can help you, but you must trust me completely first." She caressed his cheek, and he felt a sudden rush of warmth and compassion pass over him. Somehow he knew that they had shared times like this in the past, times when she had been the only stabilizing force in his life. He knew that he had loved her, and that he could trust her, but could he trust himself enough to handle the memories that would return to him?

"Please help me," he begged, on the verge of tears, "I need to know who I am…"

"Don't be frightened," Beth reassured him, "you'll remember everything in a few moments." Before he could ask her how that would happen, she drew him into a gentle kiss. Grant felt as though he was falling, and suddenly he became aware of imaged unfolding around him. He saw Collinwood as it existed at the turn of the century, a mansion whose walls separated the strife-torn Collins family from the rest of the world. He watched himself return home after a bitter exile, and immediately knew what he hadn't been welcomed back. He was Quentin Collins, the heartless prodigal son who had married in haste to spite his family, only to become involved in a dangerous affair with his brother's wife. He'd been sent away after his secret was discovered, and had traveled around the world, only returning home when he'd run out of money. He relived how his family had kept the truth about Jenny's illness from him, and the guilt he felt when he realized that he had caused her breakdown. He remembered killing her to protect Beth, but that hadn't been the worst of his experiences at Collinwood. Magda's curse had claimed him afterward, and the agony of the transformations had heralded the arrival of the werewolf, a satanic beast that mirrored the corruption within his own soul. A magical portrait had absorbed the curse, giving him the supposed gift of immortality, but his actions had still doomed future generations of his family to untold suffering…

The images continued to assail him as he recalled the terrifying events of the past, but even though he relived the horrors of Count Petofi's possession of his mind, there was comfort against the chaos of his memories. He could see Beth as she had been when she first arrived at Collinwood, a beautiful servant girl whose innocence had touched him from the beginning; he could hear his music playing as they danced and remembered how peaceful it felt to hold her in his arms…he could feel the aching beauty of their first passionate night together, but there was also darkness in the light. He had been afraid to love her because everyone he had ever cared about had been lost to him, so he had pushed her away by treating her with disrespect and callous cruelty. There had been many nights when she waited for him, only to find that he was too drunk or too angry to want her, and there had been many heated arguments between them. He had driven her to the brink of suicide, and she had suffered immensely in the last months of her life.

The last months of her life…the revelation was almost more than he could bear as he recalled watching her fall to her death from Widow's Hill. She hadn't understood what Petofi had done, what the mind switch had meant until her life was endangered by the truth. He had been able to restore his own mind, but then a tragic miscommunication ruined everything; mistaking him for the evil Count, she had panicked and run from him. In her attempt to ward off the evil, Beth had fallen, never knowing that Quentin was once again himself….

Pulling away from her embrace, Quentin was once again thrust abruptly into the present. He couldn't bear to look at her after learning the truth, so he stared out at the water, feeling trapped between the past and the future. How could he live with the truth after having hurt so many people in his lifetime?

"So I really am Quentin Collins," he whispered without emotion, "they tried to tell me that after I left the hospital. I couldn't believe it though…how could I? My existence would have to be so unnatural for that to be true, and it is. I shouldn't be here. I should have died long ago…I should have been punished for my sins, but I wasn't. I can't live like this…I refuse to be what I was before….can you take me with you? Please?"

"No, Quentin," she told him, trying not to cry as she did so, "We can't be together yet. Someday we will be, but there are people here who need your help now. Your family has been targeted by the Leviathans for destruction. They want to destroy all of humanity, and have decided that Collinwood will be the center of their new world. They're terrible monsters, and you must stay with your family…you and Barnabas will be their only hope. And there's Chris too…he's your great-grandson and suffers the way you used to on the night of the full moon. You and he share a common bond that will lead to the curse's end. The way will not be an easy one, but I will watch over you until it is our time to be together. Please understand, Quentin…"

"I do," he promised, knowing that the only path to his redemption was within the walls of Collinwood. He had to do whatever he could to right the wrongs he had committed in that other life, the one that remained almost one hundred years in the past. He would miss Beth terribly but each day would bring the promise of being closer to a reunion with her. He would help his family and regain the ability to love and feel compassion that he had lost so long ago….and someday he would be able to face the end of his immortality with happiness in his heart. "I do understand. I will do what I can because they are my family….and because I love you, Beth."

"I love you too, Quentin. I'll wait for you…don't ever forget that," she whispered before fading into the sunset's fire.

"I won't fail you this time, Beth," he vowed before rising to return to Collinwood…his destiny's path was clear and for the first time in many years, he felt at peace with himself. He didn't know how dangerous the Leviathans were, or how many people he cared about had already been affected by them; he didn't know how to help Chris, for he had been searching for a way to end his own curse for as long as he could remember. There were many uncertainties that he face, but with Beth's love and the protection of her spirit, he felt safe and knew that peace would someday prevail in the mansion that stood atop Widow's Hill…

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production