Nicholas Blair waved his straw like a magic wand in circles in front of Maggie. The smoke from a candle rose as they sat at their romantic table at the Blue Whale.

Maggie smiled sinfully declaring, "But, you can’t be corrupt me Mr. Blair." She giggled as he stared into her eyes with his most devilish grin and retorted by saying, "Oh yes I can and I will."

The director yelled, "Cut to commercial!"

Humbert smiled and patted Kathryn’s hand. "That was wonderful Katie!"

Kathryn was grinning from ear to ear. "Thanks Hum!"

"You’ve really improved." He traced her hand with a flirtatious index finger.

She blushed. "Because of you and all that extra coaching you’ve given me." She waited until she was sure no one could hear her. Her bottom lip trembled. "Hum, when are you going to tell Lara about us?"

Startled by the directness of her question, he groped for an answer. "I will… soon… after the holiday."

She looked at him incredulously. "Halloween?"

He paused for a moment and after looking around nervously reasoned. "It’s her favorite holiday."

She shook her head doubtfully. "I…

He grabbed her hand and grinning broadly declared, "…I promise my dear. I’ll tell her right after the holiday. Then we won’t have to sneak around anymore." Kissing her hand, he gazed into her eyes asking, "Are we still on for tonight?"

***********************************************************************************

Back in Lara Parker’s dressing room, the hairdressers ran around like chickens with their heads cut off!

"She’s in a fowl mood today isn’t she?" Renee the hair designer asked of her assistant.

Lara sat imperiously on her seat as she pulled at her hair. She glared at Renee and her assistant.

"Coffee break is over! One of you bimbos, get over here and work on my hair! You must make me thrilling for the next scene."

Renee looked up at her assistant, her fear mounting. "Wow talk about type casting!"

"What was that!?!" Her highness thundered.

Renee bit her upper lip, terrified at her blunder and trying to cover it up declared. "Holy cow I must take up fasting."

Humbert casually strolled into Lara’s dressing room and planted a kiss on the top of her head. He embraced her tightly and then whispered in her ear "Lara, you look ravishing my dear."

She smiled approvingly then A frown ruffled the perfectly coifed eyebrows. In her most sultry voice she crooned, "Humberto, when are you going to tell Nancy about us?"

"Oh Lara!" His voice was husky. "I love the way you pronounce my name."

"Don’t change the subject!"

He raised his eyebrows nervously. "As soon as her story line is over." I’d hate to do anything to upset her right now. Certainly you can understand that my dear."

She considered what he said for a moment.

"I suppose so but, I think my state of mind is more important."

She ascertained stubbornly.

He whispered in her ear. "I do too. Just give it a little time. He grabbed her by the waist. "Now give your magic man a kiss." He said forcefully.

"Humberto my hair, be careful."

Next Humbert moved into the drawing room set where he snuck up on Grayson Hall. Just as he was about to seal her lips with a sensuous kiss, Dan Curtis entered fuming.

"Alright who exchanged the ice tea in that decanter for real brandy? We’re going to have to peel Louis off the floor again. He’s plastered!"

A meek prop’s man stuttered defensively. "It was Edmonds hhhimself, hhhe’s always dddddoing tttthat bbboss!

During the squabble, Humbert whisked Grayson out through the French doors.

"How are you my dear?"

"Drop dead!" She barked in her sexiest raspiest voice.

He was in a state of confusion. "Grayson, Grayson what’s the matter?"

She loosened her scarf. "Look at this, because of the bite you gave me last night, makeup didn’t have to create the fang marks."

He flashed bedroom eyes and examined her neck. "Most effective I’d say and you loved every minute of it."

Slowly, a long smirk played on her pouty lips. She squeezed his chin playfully.

"You were an animal!" She laughed a compromising laugh and then became solemn again.

Humbert noticed the mood change immediately. Turning her to face him, he peered into her chestnut brown eyes.

"What’s wrong?"

She folded her arms. "When in God’s name are you going to end it with Alex!"

"Oh?"

Grayson pressed her lips into one thin line. "She hasn’t broken up her husband and she’s not suicidal! If you don’t end it with her now, Jonathan and I are going to pick up where we left off. You’re not the only one who knows how to bite."

Jonathan sat behind the patio chairs listening intently. He was having a nicotine fit and ran out of smokes. Just then David Hennessy came around the corner to their usual smoking spot and offered Jonathan one of his Luckies.

"You’re just in time." Jonathan growled taking the cigarette David offered. "Can you believe the gall of that man?"

Lighting both of their cigarettes, David added his two cents worth of an opinion.

"He’s quite an operator isn’t he?"

Jonathan just grunted.

David shook his head. "I saw him hitting on Joan yesterday and he knows she’s mine."

Humbert Allen Estredo sat in his dressing room busily writing in his journal.

It started out like this,

I must say working on television has been much more stimulating than working

on the stage, literally! I'm spent, physically and emotionally juggling

six different women at once. . .

Humbert stopped short and considered the number for a moment. It's really

nine if you count Kallie and Donna the two I met sailing and then of course

there's Linda from the studio elevator. He smiled and nodded lifting his

pencil again. Scratching out the number six, he corrected his entry.

"Nine."

Running a hand through his wavy dark hair, he shook his head in contemplation,

letting his lips part in a half smile for a moment, as he tried to reason it all out.

"How in God's name did I let this happen again? Nine women for one man is

five too many."

Ladies are my weakness he reasoned. They're such mysterious, charming creatures, all of

them, and for distinct reasons of their own. Some men smoked. Others drank. He

pursued women. Could be worse. He shrugged. Then again…

Lifting his pencil, he continued to write.

I consider myself a healthy man. I work out. I don't have little vices…

He paused again to reflect on what he’d written and erased the last part of it.

No…my vices tend to weigh in on the grand scale. Perhaps I should cut down a

bit. Healthy as I am, this complicated lifestyle is beginning to catch up

with me. What happened the other day, was enough to give any man a coronary.

He allowed his mind to take him to that fateful day.

The shoot was a much anticipated love scene between Nicholas Blair and Maggie

Evans. In the television studio five female cast members sat staring at

Humbert as he played his scene with Kathryn Leigh Scott. Collectively, their

eyes locked in on him in a territorial gaze.

Lara Parker sat far away from Nancy Barrette. She was terrified that she

might accidentally slip to Nancy that she and Humbert were having an affair.

Truth told Lara was a little afraid of diminutive Nancy. She worked out A

LOT and was rumored to have an explosive temper.

Nancy wondered why Lara avoided her. Us blondes should be sticking together. She thought.

Joan Bennet sat next to Lara but was too caught up by the fiery scene being

enacted to notice any of the others.

Alexandra Moltke sat in the back far away from the other actresses. She was

especially careful to stay away from Grayson Hall who eyed her suspiciously,

casting dagger looks her way every once in a while.

After a moment, Grayson slowly rose and moved to sit behind Alex who

immediately shivered. Moltke drew in a deep breath and expected

the worst.

Grayson bent to whisper in Alex's ear.

"Slut!" She snapped in a raspy voice.

Alex immediately spun around and retorted in a rash of defensiveness.

"I don't know what you're talking about! Alex spat through gritted teeth.

Grayson's eye's narrowed as she moved in for the kill. This time she didn't

bother to whisper.

"I'm no fool, you can’t pull the wool over my eyes!"

At that moment, a frantic prompter scampered over to the two women.

"Ladies please, either watch quietly or leave."

Grayson turned her attention to the real action.

Nicholas Blair luxuriously draped himself like a backdrop behind Maggie as he

sat on the arm of the sofa. She was crying softly and he was consoling her.

"Maggie, Maggie your Joe must be under considerable pressure to treat you in

this shabby way." He clasped her shoulder in a manner that was both

consolatory and provocative.

She turned to look up into his eyes.

"Mr. Blair, I"

He gently brushed a finger over her lips.

"Nicholas, remember?"

Maggie blushed and smiled.

"Nicholas, you've been so kind to me. I can’t think of too many men who would have

been as attentive as you've been."

Her bottom lip trembled, as he slowly traced a line with his index finger

from her bottom lip, to the full length of her neck. His bedroom eyes

penetrated hers.

"There fools!" He hissed in his husky voice.

In the audience, Joan Bennet fanned herself repeatedly with her script. It

was too hot to handle! With all the dignity and grace she could muster, She

exited the set.

Lara was furious. There was nothing in her pages calling for any of that.

He was enjoying it. The stinking dog!

Nicholas masterfully grabbed Maggie and planted an unexpected and potent kiss

on her lips that sent her senses reeling. In fact, it was so powerful that

she fainted.

As he held her limp body in his arms, Humbert whispered to Kathryn.

"Katie, what's wrong?" He tapped her cheek. "Katie!"

Cut to commercial the director bellowed. He congratulated Humbert.

"That was great Hum, not in the script but, an excellent ad lib as usual.

We'll keep it."

Humbert didn't hear the director. He was too worried about Kathryn. He

shook her.

"Katie!"

In the audience, Grayson was so aroused, that she had unwittingly nibbled the

thumb off one of her gloves. "A cigarette, I need a cigarette!" She flew

from the room.

Nancy sat in the audience in a trance. The prompter waved a hand in front of

her.

"Hey, you're on soon."

Lost in thoughts of her own she made a mental checklist. I'm going to add an

extra hour to my workout tonight. I'll need it after that. It's a damned

good thing there's nothing going on with those two. Otherwise, I'd have to

re-arrange Kathryn's face!

In the men's steam room, it wasn't just steam heating up the conversation.

The subject of it all? You guessed it, the charm of a Mr. Humbert Allen Astredo

and it’s effects on the female population of the cast.

John Karlen was assessing the situation. "You got to admit the guy's smooth.

It's all them little things he does to impress the chicks."

"Those little things!" Louis Edmonds corrected him. "Don't let this part

you’re playing rub off on you!" Louis spouted with perfect rolling diction.

"Yeah your right." John agreed.

"And it's the hand kissing."

"I kiss hands." Jonathan interjected.

"Yeah but, not like ya used to." It's his silky voice too, all sultry and

stuff." John was getting caught up in his ideas.

"Sounds like you like his sultry, silky voice." Joel Corothers piped in.

"Joel if you wasn't so big I'd pop you in the mouth for saying that." John

punched Joel in the arm in a playful gesture.

"Weren't so big, I can't believe you used to teach English John!" Edmonds

snapped in disgust. He then pulled out a flask from his towel and started to nurse it.

"Hey, give me a swig of that will you?" David Henesy chimed.

"Not on your life you little whelp!"

Jonathan thumped a heavy fist on the bench. "We're sitting here

editorializing while this intruder steals our women from us!"

John Karlen shrugged. "I don't know Jonathan, kinda takes some pressure off

us don't it?"

Edmonds echoed "Doesn't it?"

Karlen shook his head. Edmonds was starting to get on his nerves. "Yeah,

Yeah whatever!"

David was analyzing the situation too.

"Maybe he's an expert at foreplay." He offered to the group, looking for a

general consensus of agreement. "I know Joan…"

Louis Edmonds was livid. The veins in his forehead were pulsing and blue.

"I refuse to have this discussion with a child! As for your pubescent

fantasies about Joan, if I hear one more word about your self created love

affair…

Robert Rodan held Louis down before he had a chance to go ballistic on David.

"Hey, Hey, go easy on him Lou he's just a kid."

"A kid my left kidney, He's a gremlin! Bob, if you want to see him grow up,

get him out of my sight! "He's a foul mouthed little…

David stubbornly held his own. …"You're just mad because I'm more man to

the ounce."

"Okay, Okay. Come on kid, let's go." Robert Rodan put a fatherly arm around

David and led him out of the sauna.

Jonathan regarded Jerry Lacey. "You're awfully quiet. Don't you have any

opinions about this?"

Jerry yawned and stretched showing the length of his arms. He gave Jonathan

a sardonic look through dark eyes. "I'm just listening to you pea hens.

Unlike you, I have nothing to worry about. My woman's an angel. I give her

what she wants so, she isn't turned on by him."

Louis Edmonds laughed heartily.

Jonathan smiled a long smile. "Quite the complacent fellow aren't you? From

what I've seen and heard Mr. Astredo's had a share of all our wealth."

Jerry shook his head. "Not Lara, she isn't turned on by that type." He folded

his arms and looked around the room gloating.

Slowly, Joel Corothers approached Jerry. He towered over him.

"Lara?"

Jerry lowered his gaze and tensed up a little.

"Well, yes."

Joel’s presence became foreboding.

"You must mean some other Lara because I know you don't mean Lara Parker."

Jerry stubbornly rose. His over all height barely reached Joel's stomach.

"No, I mean Lara Parker!"

Joel's eyes flashed with fury.

"Well I think both you and Lara have some explaining to do!"

Louis was getting impatient.

"Oh for heaven's sake you two, take this outside or duke it out now. Spare

us the incessant pissing contest!"

"Not a bad idea." Joel growled. With that, he picked up Jerry Lacey by the

scruff of the neck and walked out of the sauna room. Jerry dangled

helplessly.

Louis turned to Jonathan. "Jonathan that was calculating and beyond

reproach. I love it!" He offered Jonathan a congratulatory swig from his

flask.

Just then Humbert entered the sauna room. Louis glowered at him, turned and

strode out of the room.

Jonathan gave him the once over with his eyes.

"There's a little too much decadence in this room for my taste."

He sniffed and followed Louis.

John walked up to Humbert and gave him a mock punch on the arm.

"Nothing personal Hum but, they're the guys I hang with." He too, left the

sauna room.

Alone, Humbert shook his head ruefully and picked up a discarded newspaper.

After a moment of reading, he realized he wasn't alone. David was staring at him.

Then the little mite picked up the flask Louis mistakenly left behind and offered it to

Humbert.

"Have a drink?" David was gracious with Edmond’s liquor.

"No thank you. I don't drink."

"Then you won't mind if I do." David reasoned as he lifted the flask to his

lips.

"Actually I do. Give me that young man." He groped for the flask but

unsuccessfully.

"Under one condition." David sneered.

Humbert shrugged, this kid was a menace. "And what is that?"

"If you drink everything in that flask." He challenged.

"Now why in God's name would you want me to do that?" What a strange kid he

thought.

David's eyes widened with anticipation. "Because then your reserve will be

down, and you'll let me in on all your secrets."

Humbert looked at the precocious young boy sitting next to him. Was he the strange product of the child actor system? He’d never seen anything like him. He was so unnerving, scary.

"David, you don’t have to get me drunk. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know."

David’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Within reason." He interjected quickly.

David’s face fell.

"But let’s get out of here before we prune up and pass out." He held his open hand out to David.

David shook his head totally misunderstanding.

"Hand over the bootleg first." He commanded with authority.

David reluctantly gave Humbert the flask. Like a junkie deprived of his fix, he pulled out the Lucky strike cigarette perched behind his ear.

"And give me that. No woman wants to kiss something that tastes like an ashtray, unless she tastes like one herself. Besides, they’ll stunt your growth."

"In what respect?" Chortled David.

Humbert stared at David in disbelief. This kid had a one-track mind! He was beginning to wonder whose hormones raged the most, his or David’s.

"Somehow David, I have the feeling that sharing my seduction secrets with you, would be about as redundant as telling Cyrano he had a large nose."

David considered what Humbert said and rubbing his wee chin cited his own opinions.

"There’s a theory behind nose size…"

*******************************************************************************

Troubling thoughts crossed Humbert’s mind as he and David walked to the commissary together.

He’s a kid, why is he so interested in lovemaking? Then he remembered himself at David’s age and made a few allowances.

What can I tell him? I’m going to have to pad this explanation A LOT! Besides, why should I share my secrets with him? It took me nearly a lifetime to perfect my technique to the art that it is.

He turned to David.

"What can I get you squirt, a coke, scooter pie?"

David stared at him blankly.

"Coffee…Black."

Humbert made a mental checklist of all the substances this kid partook of. Let’s see now, alcohol, nicotine and caffeine. Who was watching out for him? With this kind of hard living, it would be a miracle if he saw the age of fifteen. He shook his head and left the table.

David watched the master at work as he charmed every woman in the commissary, from the ones waiting in line to the cashier.

Bingo! He also noticed that Humbert left the flask of whisky on his chair. He scooped it up inconspicuously before Humbert’s return.

After about an hour of advice consisting of, Always pull the chair out for women and hold the door for them. David realized his mentor was holding out.

"Hey Hum, this is all fine and dandy but, when are you going to get to the "meat" of it all?"

"I beg your pardon?" Humbert exclaimed, feigning a lack of comprehension.

"I want to know the dirt! How do I turn them on? Sex toys, what I do with them?"

Humbert raised an indignant Nicholas brow.

"When you’re a magic man you don’t need sex toys!"

David smiled a broad smile. He couldn’t help but be impressed.

Just then, a vision invaded David’s senses, one that was so ethereal, so beautiful that he doubted his existence on earth. She was slightly older than he was perhaps by about two years. Her blonde curls and creamy porcelain skin was enough to drive any eleven year old boy over the edge. But, it was her lithe body that nearly made every nerve in David’s body explode. I wonder if she puts out? He mused.

Humbert couldn’t help but notice David’s sudden change.

"Are you all right?" He inquired.

"No. Get me one of those scooter pies please."

Humbert didn’t mind. It gave him a chance to see his friends again.

David had a decision to make. Should I drink this or should I get the magic man drunk? Pulling out chairs and holding doors isn’t going to cut it with this girl. I need information! David poured the entire flask in Humbert’s cup.

***********************************************************************************

Back in Lara Parker’s dressing room, Tom Jones was wailing the haunting melody "Delilah" on her tape recorder. When the song was over she, like a robot rewound the tape back to the beginning so that she could hear him sing it again. She loved Tom Jones! As she applied her street make-up, She tried to remember with whom she’d be spending the evening with Jerry, Humberto or Joel. She looked in her appointment book.

Jerry of course! She frowned looking at her watch. He was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. I wonder what could be keeping him?

***********************************************************************************

After a splendid afternoon with Jonathan, Grayson wondered if he’d grow a mustache for her.

***********************************************************************************

Nancy Barrette wondered why John Karlen suddenly became a hand kisser and well spoken to boot.

***********************************************************************************

Joan Bennett wondered where David was.

***********************************************************************************

Humbert wondered why he was seeing double.

The following has no basis in fact or reality. It exists only in the strange and disturbing world of parallel time in the head of Delilah Robbins. Picture if you will the following scenario:

Lara Parker was growing impatient. She had never been stood-up by any man. Like Humbert, she had the gift for enticing the opposite sex. In fact, for all intensive purposes, she was his female counterpart in every way. A fact she never shared with him.

Lara paced back and forth. This is not like Jerry at all! Where the Hell can he be? In another minute, I’m going to take off on him. She looked at her black book. It wasn’t too late to reconsider an invitation from someone else.

It was time to rewind Tom Jones again. Tom Jones! There’s a thought. He’d admired Lara for some time now. Perhaps she’d take him up on one of his invitations to supper. Just as she was about to ring him up,

Joel Corothers burst into her dressing room. The beginning dagger like strains of the song "Delilah" pulsed on the tape recorder.

Joel was panting with fury.

"Hello Lara." He said as steadily as he could. He was trying desperately to disguise the anguish that crept into his voice.

She slowly turned in confusion.

"Joel, what are you doing here? We don’t have a date tonight."

He embraced her from the back to hide his furious expression.

"Do I need an appointment to see my best girl?"

"I saw the light in the night as I passed by her window." Tom Jones wailed.

"Why no, of course not." Her voice was like bells. She looked at the door anxiously. What if Jerry came in now? How would she explain it to either one of them?

"Are you expecting someone?" He asked through gritted teeth.

Lara read his mood immediately. She spun around to face him.

"What’s on your mind?"

His eyes bulged as he tried to cover up the rage he felt inside. Damn it! I’m an actor! He reminded himself. Why can’t I use it in real life? Then he saw something in her face. It was fear. He was starting to enjoy it.

"Nothing. I might ask you the same." He asked through a plastic smile.

She shrugged fluttering her eyelashes.

"It’s just that I have an appointment."

"As she deceived me I watched and went out of my mind." Tom Jones cried in an impassioned phrase.

Lara wished she’d turned that damn song off long ago.

Joel’s eyes crinkled. Madness had started to descend upon him.

"Good, I’ll give you a lift there." He volunteered with feigned cheerfulness.

She swallowed hard. "NO!" Her eyes flew open.

"I mean, my sister’s going to pick me up." She reasoned.

"Okay." He conceded, as insanity slowly gripped the better half of his brain.

"At least let me get your coat for you."

"Thank you." Lara was placid on the outside but frantic inside. I’ve got to get him out of here!

"She stood there laughing." Tom crooned.

As she lifted her hair to clear the coat collar, Joel gazed at her long neck. A film started to descend over the part of his brain that reasoned. She’s a whore he thought to himself. His hands slowly crept up to her windpipe, when Jerry Lacey burst into the room spitting blood. He groaned with terror when he realized that Joel Corothers was there and fled out as quickly as he’d barged in. Joel dropped his hands and skipped in hot pursuit after Jerry.

Lara stared in wonder at the entire spectacle. Guess I have some explaining to do. She thought ruefully. After a moment, she dialed Tom Jones’ number.

*********************************************************************************

Late the next morning,

Sunlight screamed through the bedroom window of Humbert Allen Astredo’s New York flat, alerting him of the phone that rang incessantly off the hook. The reality of a hangover hit his head like a ton of bricks knocking him off his caboose.

This is why I don’t drink he reasoned, as his cranium throbbed with great spasms of pain. Not since his all-nighter with Grayson, had he felt that spent. In the midst of his agony, he smiled recollecting that night.

The song "Incense and Peppermints" blared on his clock radio as the hands searchingly grasped for the hour of ten A.M.

"Holly Hell! I was supposed to be at the studio by six thirty." He dismissed his weary head and answered the phone.

*********************************************************************************

Back on the set, someone assured the director that Humbert was on his way.

"This isn’t like him." The director barked, shaking his head.

"We’ll have to move on to the next scene while we wait. David you’re on."

David stood in the wooded area outside the French doors as Joan crossed to him. Her voice was accusatory.

"Where were you last night?"

"Humbert and I were spending some quality time together." He explained beaming

"Oh?" She patted David’s head approvingly.

"Okay Action!" The director bellowed.

David looked at Elizabeth as if she were demented.

"Jeeze Aunt Elizabeth, we’re rich. You don’t have to be buried if you don’t want to. Why not just be kept in a crypt, then you can walk out any time you want."

Elizabeth looked at David through crazed eyes. He had solved her problem! If I’m buried in a crypt, I can just get up and walk out. If she hadn’t been so emotionally exhausted, she would have danced for joy. She embraced him with such fury that he feared he couldn’t breath.

"Thank you! Oh, thank you David! You’re such a bright boy! Did I ever tell you…"

In mid sentence, Liz dropped to the ground like a rock. She appeared to be dead.

"Cut to commercial!" The director bellowed.

"Good job Joan, David!"

David walked off the set leaving Joan on the ground without even helping her up.

"Well I never!" Joan snorted.

"David, can I see you a moment please?" The director beckoned to him.

"There’s someone I’d like you to meet."

There, next to the director, stood the beautiful girl he saw in the commissary. He felt weak at the knees.

Moving toward her, he remembered Humbert’s drunken advice. Like an invisible coach, he instructed David with slurred words. "Look her in the eyes. Allow a slow smile to appear on your face. Gently take her hand in yours and caress her palm with your fingers. As you touch your lips to her hand never take your eyes off hers. And if you can, raise one of your eyebrows, it’s most effective. Then say something witty."

"David, I’d like you to meet Kathy Cody."

He went to grab her hand. The invisible Humbert in his mind alerted him.

"NO! Gently take her hand!"

Her beauty nearly knocked the wind out of him. He searched for her hand, while gazing into her baby blue eyes. In an effort to raise one of his brows, he inadvertently crossed his eyes instead.

Kathy started to shake his hand but he awkwardly yanked her hand up to his lips.

She looked at him in confusion. Was this kid for real?

David thought, I have to think of something witty, what’s witty? He struggled to think of something.

"Madam you’ve cast a spell over me!"

She looked at him as though he were demented.

"Yeah, whatever!" Shaking his hand off she looked at him suspiciously. Was he on something?

The director smiled and chuckled approvingly.

"Yes, our David has quite a reputation with the ladies. He then addressed David’s pubescent questioning look.

"Kathy’s a new member of the cast. I’m sure you two will work very well together."

Hubba! Hubba! David thought.

"Nice meeting you." She smiled artificially and walked off to her dressing room shaking her head.

That went well. David thought with confidence.

Kathy gave David a side way glance as she exited. What a little creep! She thought.

Like a wolf chasing prey, David tailed Kathy. Just as he was about to grab her caboose, Humbert’s voice warned him again.

"No! Don’t let her know what an animal you really are. Work your magic first, otherwise you’ll chase her away. Believe me, the rewards will be worth it later on."

*********************************************************************************

After showering, Humbert fixed an ice bag and plopped it on his head. He swallowed two Bayer aspirin and placed cucumber slices on his eyes. He allowed himself to rest in his recliner for five minutes. He still felt as though a Mack truck had hit him.

Slowly the events of the evening unfolded like the pages of a book. Then reality hit him worse than any hangover ever could. I drank last night, A LOT! And that little Casanova spiked my coffee while he pumped my head for information. Wait till I get my hands on him!

*********************************************************************************

Just before the next shoot, David eyed the decanter of brandy on Roger’s bar. He’d overheard the properties staff complaining about how Louis kept his real private stash there. He’d also heard that Louis was on verbal warning. One more drunken episode and he was out! David proceeded to transfer the brandy in the decanter to the flask he held in his hand.

Just when David thought he had everything wrapped up so neatly, Louis Edmonds grabbed him by the collar.

"Give me that flask you Cretan!"

David broke away like a greased pig and feigned a lack of comprehension.

"What this?" He teased, as he slowly shook the flask while holding it high in the air. If an ally had been around, he’d have tossed it to that person.

Louis grabbed for the flask like a bear stealing honey from a live beehive. He was crazed. "Yes, give it to me you little bastard!" He thundered.

David caught the attention of one of the properties’ staff.

"Hey, he’s at it again! He shouted.

Edmonds was mortified. "Shut up!"

"I won’t be an enabler in his disease so, he wants to kill me!" David shouted, looking at Edmonds for a reaction.

Sensing victory, David glanced provocatively at Louis.

"Need I say more Lou?" David challenged him.

Louis glared at David. His hands were tied and he was at the mercy of a gremlin, or a devil or some spawn of the incarnate.

David walked off the set as satisfied as if he were Nicholas Blair until he saw, Humbert Allen Estredo glaring him in the eye in the wings.

David walked off the set as satisfied as if he were Nicholas Blair until he saw, Humbert Allen Astredo glaring him in the eye.

David, in desperation, bolted off to his dressing room but Humbert faked him out by taking a short cut through the set. It took him to the precise spot where David was hiding. He grabbed him by the collar.

"Hum don’t hurt me!" He whined.

Humbert’s bloodshot eyes rested on the little guttersnipe. This kid was unbelievable! He could turn it off and on so easily. One minute he was a dissolute thirty-five year old and the next a sweet misunderstood eleven-year old boy. He chuckled shaking his head, but not too hard because that would have killed. He released his hold on him.

"Hurt you?" He continued through clenched teeth. "Why would I want to do that? Let’s see! You’ve only caused my massive hangover and nearly cost me an entire day’s shoot. A very important episode I might add. This happens to be the end of Nicholas’ story line. Why, in God’s name should I want to hurt you?"

David’s jaw dropped about a mile. He was eleven again.

"Is it really true Hum? Is it your last day?"

"Spare me David, please don’t claim to be sad about it." He tried to read David’s face. You’re not, are you?"

David looked up at Humbert and considered the question for a moment or two.

"No. It just means I have less time to finish picking your brain."

Bingo! Humbert thought. He’s reverted back to his evil alter ego again.

Humbert threw his hands in the air. "Oh David, just do me a favor and go about your business. I could go tell Dan about your shenanigans, the drinking, the carousing and the smoking but in the long run it probably wouldn’t change anything. Excuse me." As Humbert started to exit David scampered up to him.

"Hum, I didn’t mean that." I will miss you! You’re the only real guy around here I can talk to." David turned around hanging his head. "I just wanted to be more like you."

Humbert didn’t know what to make of his admission. Was he in earnest? He had to admit it tugged a little at his heartstrings. Then he cautioned himself, maybe I shouldn’t get too sucked in by this. Truth told he didn’t have a lot of good reasons to trust David.

"Yes, well no hard feelings." He tried to exit past him. David followed him like a new puppy.

"Hey Hum, I had a chance to try out the hand kissing thing yesterday!" He bubbled on.

"Oh?" Humbert raised a questioning eyebrow. "How did it go?"

"Well, I think I screwed it up royal!" He shrugged. Kathy Cody thinks I’m a creep!"

Humbert chuckled a bit, and shaking an index finger exclaimed, "Not as easy as it looks is it?

Do you have a back up plan?"

David looked up at his mentor, smiling an angelic smile.

"Practice, practice and more practice." He beamed.

Humbert gave him a fatherly pat on the head.

"Well okay!"

And then I’m going to get her blind stinking drunk! David promised himself:

*******************************************************************************

"Meeting in Dan’s office the prompter called out. Cast and crew let’s go!"

"I wonder what this is all about? Edmonds inquired of Jonathan who was walking with the herd.

Once in Dan’s office, The respective feuding cast members stayed clear of each other. The assembly almost resembled encampments in the army.

Joel stayed away from Lara but hung out with Jerry, which Lara found confusing to say the least.

Kathy Cody stayed far away from David Henesy and Alexandra Moltke purposefully avoided Grayson Hall.

Dan Curtis stood up in front of the clan.

"I suppose you all know that today’s Humbert’s last day here for a while, now that his story line is over.

Every female cast member including Kathy Cody experienced a profound pang of sadness.

He’ll be back though, thankfully. I think we can all agree that he’s brought a great deal of excellence to Dark Shadows. He’ll be moving on to some exciting projects of his own, including work on a Broadway play. Dan paused and gestured toward Humbert.

"Hum, I’ll let you tell the folks."

Not expecting to have to speak, Humbert stood peering at all the faces he’d come to know for so long. "I’m playing Judge Brack in Ibsen’s, Hedda Gabler."

There were some impressed Ooohs and Ahhhs from the female population.

Judge Brack! Jonathan thought. Bravo Mr. Astredo! He now had one more reason to envy Humbert.

Perfect casting Louis Edmonds thought. Good Lord! He’ll probably win a Tony award and when he comes back there will be no living with him! Come to think of it, I’d make a marvelous Judge Brack myself. What is that foolish agent of mine doing for me anyway? He should have sent me up for that part.

Through dark staring eyes, (He didn’t dare open his mouth) Jerry Lacey thought, too bad they weren’t doing Ibsen’s Ghosts. I’d make a great Pastor Manders, if I had some front teeth.

It was then that Robert Rodan made his inquiries known.

"Hedda Gabler, what’s that Hum, a Thanksgiving play?"

Edmonds was indignant, so was John Karlen.

Slapping his own head, John Karlen looked at Rodan as if he needed twenty-four hour supervision just to roam the planet.

"No Bob! Don’t you know anything? It’s that biography about that Hollywood gossip columnist Hedda Gabler, aint it Hum?"

"Isn’t it?" Edmonds echoed wearily.

Humbert tried to suppress any opinions he had as to the ingnorance of Bob and John.

"Come see the play John, and decide for yourself."

"Good idea! John agreed. "Well, back to the salt mines." He stood up with Nancy Barrette. When she wasn’t looking he smacked her in the caboose.

"Hey!" What happened to the hand kissing and fine language?" She snapped.

"I don’t have to compete with no one no more." He reasoned.

Edmonds eyes rolled back in his head.

"I don’t have to compete with any one any more. He corrected.

John just shook his head.

"Yeah whatever!"

***********************************************************************************

As Lara Parker made her way back to her dressing room, she ran into to Joel Corothers. She beckoned to him.

"Joel, can I speak with you for a moment please?"

Joel looked away and continued his walk down the corridor, snubbing her. Thinking better of it he turned around again.

"I’d come in and talk to you but, I think it would dangerous for both of us. When I think of what I almost did last night…" His voice broke off.

She searched his face for some meaning in the statement.

"What do you mean?"

"I need some time to myself right now. I’ll call you later."

He continued his way back down the hall.

Humbert couldn’t help but overhear the entire exchange and knocked on Lara’s door.

"Humberto!" She crooned.

"Lover’s spat?" Humbert shook his head raising both eyebrows. "It sounds like you’ve been a bad girl!"

He gave her a consolatory hug.

Lara’s eyes misted a bit.

"Congratulations about Judge Brack. I’m happy for you of course but, I have a feeling there’ll be a lot less magic around here now."

He lifted her chin to look at her.

"From the looks of it, you’re going to have to make some on your own. I have all the confidence in the world in you." He turned paused and turned to face her again. "I was just thinking. Would you do your magic man a favor and send me off properly? I can’t think of anyone else I’d like to be with right now."

She smiled. "Of course."

Just as they started to exit Lara exclaimed.

"The lights, I forgot to turn them off."

"Allow me." Humbert snapped his fingers and the lights went out.

Lara stared at him completely astonished.

"How in Hell did you do that?"

He winked, pressing his finger gently against her lips and simply said.

"I never share my secrets unless under the influence."

He shut the dressing room door and guided her outside into the night.

The End