Subj: Mrs. Johnson on The Iron Chef
Date: 6/4/00 12:19:04 AM Central Daylight Time
From: DSRules

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You'll also have to forgive the somewhat sketchy overview of the show. I don't think I'm going to make it until the next showing of the Iron Chef to make it match up completely.

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Commentator: Tonight's challenger is Sarah Johnson. She's not a professional chef. She's the maid and cook for the prestigious Collins family of Collinsport, Maine.

Mrs. Johnson walks into Kitchen Stadium, wringing her hands nervously. She adjusts the pocketbook looped over her right elbow, then goes back to clenching her hands together as she stops on her mark to wait.

The commentator and a translator step to her side.

Commentator: Which Iron Chef would you like to challenge?

Mrs. Johnson: (clears throat and leans in towards the microphone taped to the lapel of the commentator) Mr. Morimoto, please.

[Dramatic music as Morimoto Masaharu* takes his place and the pair move into their kitchens]

Takeshi Kaga: {And tonight's theme ingredient is:}[dramatic music] {seaweed!}**

[More dramatic music as the crate of various types of seaweed rises from beneath Kitchen Stadium in a cloud of dry ice smoke]

Mrs. Johnson and Morimoto Masaharu step up to the crate. Morimoto begins filling his dish with seaweed. Mrs. Johnson takes her first handful and stares at it.

Mrs. Johnson: Oh, no! No! Poor Mr. Malloy! EEEEKKKK!!!!!

Mrs. Johnson dashes from Kitchen Stadium, never to return.

THE END

*I'm giving this family name first, as is traditional in Japan. At least, I think I am. 8-)

**No, I'm not being racist. They really have used seaweed on an episode of Iron Chef. Wakame seaweed, to be precise, in 1997. And work with me here, folks, I'm going somewhere with this.