Subj: Never Without You Part 3
Date: 6/14/99 10:14:08 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Jody
Now it came to pass that Barnabas was working at Wyndcliffe to help develop patient's care programs by the incorporation of Barnabas' knowledge and sharing of the humanities with the patients. Surprised, he found himself to care for the patients and got excited when he saw they were healing to the use of development and enrichment of minds by reading poetry, discussing literature, and writing. Actually with this new addition to the patient treatment, there was a slight increase in patient recovery. Barnabas was delighted to no end. How simple he thought, that the development of the soul was a necessity to one's life as a human, not a mere existence. Wasn't medicine wonderful, he thought?
When Barnabas had first come to Wyndclife, however things were not simple. First of all, when Julia had heard what Dr. Halstead had proposed, bringing Barnabas to Wyndcliffe. She was so mad that she threw a flower vase against the room and cracked a mirror. Neither men had seen that behavior in Julia before.
Julia said to Dr. Halstead, "This is absurd having Barnabas here at Wyndcliffe, he belongs at Collinwood and has no business here."
Barnabas was around when Julia threw the vase at Dr. Halstead and heard those comments, he realized how much in fact Julia was internally in pain and was unable to resolve some of her feelings and unwilling to deal with them. What Halstead had said about those repressed feelings causing Julia harm were so true to Barnabas that he almost knelt down and cried. He couldn't stand to see Julia in the pain she was. He was determined anything in his abilities to be emotionally supportive and help Julia come to grips with the inability to live life by hiding behind. Of course he saw that her devotion and love for him was the only exception to this. But she couldn't do it for herself. "Julia, I will not allow this to continue even if you fight me. You will learn to feel like what it is to be human and a woman, even if it takes my last breath. This will be for your own good you are denying yourself the ability to have a full life and see the gifts that life offers after everything you have done for me, I am here for you, Julia." softly muttered Barnabas to himself.
Barnabas watched Julia like a hawk and saw what Halstead had seen. She put her life into her patients trying to do everything in her power to help them. Sometimes when things did not go well, and a patient regressed she just went into one of rooms at Wyndcliffe with no facial expressions, just a contained look. She did not cry or would allow herself to discuss her hurt with Halstead and when Barnabas approached her about it she snapped at him and told him to leave her alone. At first he complied but therein he was seeing he was not helping in any regard and some surprising events started to happened. Barnabas and Julia both began to change for the better slowly.
Julia was standing peering looking through of the rooms at Wyndcliffe in self reflective thought about how Barnabas did not love her, she felt she had to repress the rest of the world. She thought, "What difference does it make if I show emotion, when I have around Barnabas he feels threatened or stops me in the process. Why bother? I really don't understand what he is doing here and what he is trying to accomplish with me. I know he doesn't love me, I always have loved him but loving him isn't what he wants from me so I act this other way around him, it causes us to be friends and not have to deal with any other personal issues. I do love him with all heart and soul. I always have, I cling to be near to him, but instead but he is blind to my heart. This quest of him to help me will accomplish nothing but I care so for him I would do anything for him because I love him and always will."
So Barnabas persisted in his zealful quest with Julia. And since she loved him she began to listen to what he had to say. It was that simple. She loved him so. Finally she finished snapping at him, and when he made the suggestions she gaze lovingly into his eyes as she always had and she began to tear down her wall she had that surrounded her, she began to be soft once in a while.
Dr. Halstead allowed Barnabas to take charge with Julia and stood in the background for he thought she would be more responsive to Barnabas than anyone else and he saw her soul was in healing process.
So Barnabas watchful of Julia would monitor her cautiously and with a great deal of caring and concern. In fact, Julia began to be in front of his mind more than he could admit. He was thinking about her happiness constantly and himself was moved when he saw her enthusiatic about anything and smiling.. "The first wall down," he thought. That is a good sign. He loved to see Julia's eyes light up when she was happy and he was there for her. He said,"Julia do not hurt, I am hear, cry to me and depend on me." She cried,laughed , her eyes were filled with signs of life that had never been there. Julia had always liked enthusiam about anything he thought, except for medicine, but Know she displayed it and a radiance surrounded her. This affected Barnabas. He began to feel an attraction for her he never had felt to her and was drawn to her in a way he didn't understand himself. He especially had strange sensations when she was in his arms, crying on his shoulder and he was holding her. He did not understand at all. Something was changing.
Julia began to take delight in the days at Wyndcliffe. When she looked at Barnabas she lighted up like a giddy school girl around him. The staff and patients noticed a difference in her and felt closer to her than they had prior. They were amazed to see old stoneface Hoffman light up with a smile, enthusiam, and a glow in her face.Everything in her life seemed so different now to her. For the first time in years with the assistance of Barnabas, she felt relaxed enough to take some breaks at Wyndcliffe and at Collinwood. She lessened her hours at Wyndcliffe. Barnabas stated with much happiness all the gifts that life had to offer one, although small they made life a more exciting place. Julia was finally on her journey not to merely exist but to take life on a journey to be experience and devour.
Barnabas began to treat her love of medicine with respect and began to talk to her with the same excitement as she did with literature and poetry. As friends, just out of rest to each other they indulged the other in this. Julia saw no harm in discussing literature, poetry, the sky,the meaning of the human soul.. Yes that was it. Julia's soul had been enriched and developed . With or without Barnabas she began to get excited over a sunset, the sunrise, the stars, the ocean below Widow's hill. As a doctor she had seen people die and she realized that even for her that life was a gift and needed to be appreciated and not denied.By doing this she was becoming happy and not taking away from anyone else. The addition of "enthusiasm" into her demeanor changed her outlook on life, and how everyone saw her including Barnabas. When she became enthused , he became so excited to he could hardly contain himself. It was contagious that his Julia would lift his spirit and bring happiness and joy into his heart. Again Barnabas was not understanding what was happening to him but he it scared him at first then he allowed it to be part of his changing , he thought.
Barnabas thought Julia had been progressing well now she was able to smile, laugh, talk with people, her hurt contained within her soul . She was able to enjoy things, and cry . No long held inside her hurting. She began to love the small intricacies that life beheld, the moon, the stars, the ocean. She loved and devoured the gifts life had to offer her. Now Barnabas had one last area he wanted to work with her out of his own curiosity and to help her."I want to help her think of herself not merely as a doctor but that as a woman with or without me in her life. I must see this for myself what will happen for Julia to feel like a woman. I know I didn't help that situation,but as a friend I will help her." What Barnabas didn't understand is that not only would this help Julia but him.
to be continued....