Subj: Never Without You Part 7
Date: 6/16/99 6:47:55 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Jody
The Discovery Of Julia
Barnabas, quite nervous and distraught over his love for Julia paced the floor of the drawing room of the Old House. This was more difficult for him than he imagined and he was quite nervous. He cared deeply for Julia, not wanting to hurt her feelings nor tarnish her self esteem but rather have her see herself in a favorable light. The idea of the admission of any feeling tired him and scared him beyond belief. He did not want to change his life for the fear in doing so would cause the historical pain and agony to his life when he had done so. All those whom he truly loved were now ghosts of the past to him. Julia, in Barnabas' eyes represented the guarantee of life to him. No more nor less. Buried deep in his subconscience, his view of Julia was God like. With Julia there in Barnabas' life no harm would come to him. Deep within his subconcienceness the demise of Julia meant his own demise. A man's first instinct is survival, and that therein upon itself he would in no way jeopardize that. So unwillingly, he extolled Julia to that of God to him. And for that mere fact, he would never tamper with that situation. However, as Barnabas Collin's transformation into the good man evolved, he became more confident, secure within himself, and had the ability to care for others. And for that ability to care for others started to extend to Julia he began to see her in a gentle special way.
No man of his generation would never allow himself the friendship of a female. This was not done in the 18th nor 19th centuries. Truly, when a man was close in a relationship to a woman where man and woman were confidants and cared for each other where all their intimate thoughts first and foremost were shared with each other or hidden from the general world, it was that of husband and wife or of lovers. Barnabas would never be a modern man and as such like many men from his era when the attributes of a suitable wife were to present themselves they had difficulty in the admission of feelings. What was more binding here was of any person in the world Barnabas would share his feelings and intermost thoughts- it was with Julia that he did so. When ,he was in trouble, the first person he called out to was Julia. The fact he remained in 1971 with Julia represented itself to be a decision already made by his actions. Barnabas with Elliot Stokes help after 1840 and returning to 1971 to see the family safe, could have returned to the past. Of course without Julia he would have become a vampire possibly. He always followed her where she went in time and location. The fact he resided in 1971 was the most prima facia piece of evidence of his sentiments.
The fact that she was devoted moved his heart and he responded slowly to it. He had shared the most important moments in his life with Julia, one of the most heartbreaking was that of when he knelt down seeing his sister Sarah and she left him because she told him , he must be good, and the loss of her would be his punishment until he evolved to that point. He on his knees begged Sarah not to go and leave him. As she left him, he started to profusely sob. Julia had seen that scene between he and his sister, and went to him to comfort him.
He turned around to Julia, and said to her, " Leave me alone..... "I want you to understand doctor you mean very little to me, you will never mean anything, doctor, do you understand , do you really understand doctor, I hope so , I want to be left alone." Heartbroken, she left him at the time , but shared one of the most memorable moments in his life with him.
Yes, Julia shared memorable moments with him. He looked at the window and thought . "What would my life would be without Julia?" He didn't even want to think of the answer to that question.
So he was waiting for Julia to arrive at the Old House to continue with his plans. He would be very diplomatic on his approach with her . He would tell her the truth. That he has feelings for her, and he wishes to help her also. He wants her to see how lovely she can look in a mirror with her own eyes. He cares for her that much. Barnabas nervously awaits Julia's arrival. He would talk to her and anxiously await her reaction of this situation.
to be continued......