Subj: THE ORACLE -- 21
Date: 6/8/99 7:29:17 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Jody
Julia had been continuing as a doctor to try to help her daughter regain her memory by the use of hypnosis, going through journals, and listening to music, and visiting friends and loved ones. Nicole has been able to play music and sing, but can't still remember much past that point. Frustrated at this time, Julia was considering the various alternatives to combat this amnesia. Would it benefit to send the girl away from Collinwood? Julia had actually neglected Barnabas, she was spending almost all of her time with Nicole. They took long walks together and talked. Nicole's passion for life existed but she only confided this to Julia. She considered herself lucky to be alive. Julia was extremely attentive to this child, and she had felt a twinge of guilt for maybe not giving her enough attention. Julia blamed herself for Nicole's memory loss. There were two areas Julia was not rational sometimes. One was Barnabas and the other was Nicole. Actually during this time, Barnabas was starting to feel remote , lonely , and isolated. He missed Julia's companionship, love, attention, and insight. This was the first time, he actually felt a bit jealous of Nicole, because he always had been the main focus of Julia's attention. It was as though Julia was distancing herself from him and that Julia was just involved with Nicole. Barnabas remembered that this had happened in Julia's first marriage and that after that the marriage was over. Barnabas had no intention of letting Julia experience the pain alone and isolate herself from the world, nor would he isolate himself from Nicole.
Barnabas , very watchful of his wife during this time, seemed to be concerned over her mental state. Julia was beginning to withdraw from him. In his whole history with Julia in their marriage , and even before, he had rarely seen Julia not preoccupied with him. It was out of character for her. He was used to being the center of her attention always. He wasn't handling not being that very well. But he was felt isolated from his daughter who gave him very little of her time. Barnabas felt like a stranger in his own house. He felt like his family was almost non existent. Julia pretty much kept the family together. Even Barnabas' sons, were quiet during this time and preoccupied with their studies. Justin Collins, who loved his sister deeply remained quiet, for he knew there was little he could do for his sister until his mother made progress with his sister. He didn't want to complicate Nicole's misery at this point. But he watched his sister from afar and with great interest. But he was sad too and remained aloof from his father and brother. Barnabas felt a loss of family life and truly wanted Julia to have some tenderness and support. He missed holding his wife in his arms, gazing into her eyes, hearing her laugh, hearing her voice. Julia spent many long hours in Nicole's room away from him.
Determined not to be alone, Barnabas proceeded to Nicole's room to see Julia, he couldn't stand the isolation. What he observed was Nicole was seeming to be closer to Julia and was really trying to remember events about her past. Julia had Nicole looking through a photo album of when she was small. Barnabas had never seen the album, there was what looked to be pictures of Nicole as a baby, and a little girl of two or three years old. Barnabas had never seen these pictures, Julia showed Nicole pictures of Boston, and of Woodard, Julia when she was little. Julia now has seen and pulls Barnabas to the side. "I am glad to see you , but in helping Nicole gain back her memory, I am showing her pictures from when she was little, including that of her father, Dr. Woodard. In the past she has been quiet and upset when she has in some way felt guilt over him. This may be too painful for you Barnabas, I wanted to spare you the pain. But I have to try this to help her. For I am trying everything, she has made little progress in gaining her memory." Barnabas started to feel sick to his stomach over the thought of Julia married before. It hit him hard now.
But he remembered words Nicole had shared with him. "If I love you for no other reason, I love you for the way my mother loves you and the fact she has found you and you love her. She has become alive again with purpose, with enthusiasm, and some understanding of life, a state she never attained with my real father. She loves you that much, she radiates when you walk into a room. But I love you for more than that, I wish you had always been my father, for I consider you for always and foremost my father. I love you and your passion and the ability to see the important things in life like the sun, or the ocean. You are loyal to your family, a gentle loving man, and devoted husband and persistent in justice being attained for those special people. Sometimes, I feel guilty for having forgotten him. But he was never the father you are to me, nor the type of husband to my mother. She deserves a man like you who loves her."
Barnabas remembered Nicole's words and thought about maybe she was feeling guilt for not remembering Dr. Woodard, and suppressing that thought. Barnabas shared what Nicole had told him with Julia. He held his wife. "Julia, I love you and need you, I will not let you suffer through this alone. I am here to help us see through this ordeal with our daughter and I do understand that you in showing her the pictures of when she was a baby may help her. But lets also pursue other avenues too. Julia, I wonder if she saw Nicholas Blair would her memory come back and if I reassure her I love her as any father could no matter what happened." Tearful, Julia gave in to her husband and cried on his shoulder, and allowed him to hold her. She actually lowered her defenses to allow him to be close to her.
to be continued