Subj: It's Pumpkintime, Barnabas Collins!
Date: 10/30/00 5:04:34 AM Central Standard Time
From: Julianka
It's Pumpkintime, Barnabas Collins!
a parody (sort of) on "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!"
dedicated to Beverly
Cast:
Barnabas-Charlie Brown
Elizabeth-Lucy
Roger-Linus
Carolyn-Sally
Julia-Peppermint Patty
Eliot-Schroeder
Quentin-Franklin
Willie-Snoopy
Maggie-Marcie
Joe-Rerun
Roxanne-Little Red Headed Girl
Mrs. Johnson- The voice of an adult
The scene opens at a big Collinwood Halloween party:
Professor Eliot T. Stokes was blissfully lost in a world of Beethoven. Masterfully playing piano sonata opus no.5, until he was rudely interupted by the jarring voice of Elizabeth Stoddard. Looking up, he saw that she was almost laying across the baby grand in an attempt to get his attention. He gasped as she pushed the bust of his hero Beethoven to the side.
"Why don't you play something romantic? Like "When a Man LOVES a Woman"? Or something new and modern? Huh?" Elizabeth flirted boldly, batting her false eyelashes at Eliot.
Taking the bust of Beethoven from the piano and relocating it to a safer side table, he frowned at Elizabeth. With two fingers he stiffly played a tinny version of the Beatles song, "Get Back To Where You Once Belonged".
"Yeah! That's it!" Elizabeth's yell almost knocked him from the piano bench. "It's got a beat and you can dance to it!"
*************************************************************
Meanwhile Barnabas, Julia and Quentin stood near the fireplace chatting. Quentin noticed Willie leaning against the wall by the refreshment table.
"Just who is he suppost to be?" asked Quentin.
"I have no idea. Willie has a varied and lively imagnation. Two weeks ago he was a World War II Flying Ace, the next week .OO7. I can't keep up with his fantasies." answered Barnabas.
"Needs someone to put him in his place, hey Barnabas?" said Julia, slapping Barnabas on the back.
""Yo Willie! Come here!" called Quentin.
Smirking in their direction, Willie scratched his arm pit. Willie was dressed in blue jeans, white T-shirt and black leather jacket. His hair was greased back with a small lock falling forward over his brow. Standing up he grabbed a crystal cup, ignored the ladle and dipped up a cup of punch from the brimming punch bowl. Throwing his head back he gulped the brew in one swallow. And then strutted over to Barnabas, Quentin and Julia.
Punching Willie in the arm, Julia said, "Thristy, yeah?"
"Really Willie! Must you be so crude!" demanded Barnabas.
Burping, Willie didn't trouble himself to answer.
"Willie?" inquired Quentin, "Just what are you rebelling against?"
Curling his lip at Quentin, Willie replied, "Like, what you got man?"
At this point we hear the voice of Mrs. Johnson. (Wah-wah-wah)
"Oh, yes Mrs. Johnson." Elizabeth said. Clapping her hands for everyone's attention, Elizabeth announced, "Mrs. Johnson has prepared treat bags for everyone." Indicating a table topped with orange and black bags, she continued. "You'll find your name on the bags."
The whole party rushed to the table.
"Alright! I got candy pills and band-aids in neon colors!" yelled Julia happily.
"Cool! I got a dozen little brandy bottles!" chortled Quentin gleefully.
Maggie just coming into the room cried out, "I got chocolate kisses! Oh Joe! What did you get?"
"Aw, Maggie. You know whatever it is, I'll share it with you sweetheart." said Joe always ready to do the right thing.
"Hey Barnabas", asked Quentin, "What did you get?"
Feeling in the bag, Barnabas frowned. Shaking it, finally turning it upside down. "Nothing. I didn't get anything." he answered remorsely.
"Nah Barnabas." said Julia bending down and picking up something small from
the floor that had fallen from
the bag. Roaring with laughter, she said, "You got a lintball!"
Biting her lower lip, Maggie asked innocently, "Where are Roger and Carolyn? Shouldn't they be down by now?"
"Yes, where is Roger?" queried Quentin, "We could use some of his dry wit right about now."
Clenching her fists, Elizabeth gritted her teeth and said, "Roger has convinced Carolyn that if they lurk upstairs in the East Wing, they will finally get to see parallel time and discover all the mysteries of this house. Thus having all their wishes granted."
"Cool! Let's check it out!" sneered Willie.
"Perhaps we may be able to persuade them into abandoning this fruitless effort and induce them into joining us in our revelries?" put forth Eliot.
"Waste of time trying to talk to Roger when his mind is set. He is a stubborn fool, but if you say so Eliot, we'll give it a go." Elizabeth coyly said scooting closer to Eliot.
*************************************************************
It was a light hearted group that trooped upstairs to the East Wing.
Eyeing the assembled family and guests Roger spoke not a word. He knew they would only make fun of him.
Carolyn, not being the sharpest crayon in the box, happily gushed, "Did you
all come to see Parallel Time,
too?"
Closing her eyes in shame at her daughter's idiotic statement, Elizabeth turned
to Roger and addressed
him instead.
"Really Roger! Squatting like a vulture outside this room will lead you no where!" she snapped.
Most of the party tittered at this display of family disharmony. Carolyn looked in dismay from her Uncle's bowed head to her Mother's angry face. Only Barnabas winced, embarassed for his cousin.
Red faced Roger demanded, "Then are you going to tell me what I want to know?" Looking at Elizabeth's tightly sealed lips, he answered his own question. "No", he smirked, "I thought not."
Eliot stepped forward, hoping to disfuse the situation before it developed into a full scale scene.
"Come, come my boy." he cajoled. "You don't want to cause your young niece here to miss the party, do you?"
Roger leaning over to whisper, in a not so quiet a voice, into Carolyn's ear, he said, "Pompous windbag!"
"REALLY ROGER!!! How dare you speak of Eliot in that manner!" screamed Elizabeth.
Replacing his monacle, after it had fallen from his eye at Roger's unwarranted rudeness, he offered his arm to Elizabeth. "Shall we leave them to their folly and rejoin the party?"
Taking his arm Elizabeth smiled hugely. "Of course Eliot, you are such a gentleman!"
Clicking his heels and bowing to Carolyn, Eliot said, "I wish you both joy in your hopeless wait." Turning away from their opened mouthed glares he and Elizabeth lead their group back down to the drawingroom.
Trailing behind everyone Barnabas looked back at his cousins with pity. But
seeing Roxanne uphead he
quickly followed along. Perhaps tonight he would finally be able to work up
his courage and ask her to be his Josette!
^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^
When they were all back downstairs, Elizabeth told Quentin, "Put a record on the stereo so we can dance."
Quentin slipped a record, he had borrowed from Bob the bartender from the Blue Whale, on the turn table. Everyone began to energetically gyrate basically in place until the screech of the needle dragging across the record brought them to a crashing halt.
Julia fell on the sofa, roaring with belly laughs, more then half drunk.
Elizabeth replace the record with another record more suited to slow dancing. And set her path toward Eliot. Before she could get to him, he moved around the room to where Barnabas was standing. Seeing the couple, swaying to the sickenly sweet song, that Barnabas was glowering at, Eliot said, "Why don't you cut in? I'm sure Quentin will release Roxanne to dance with you." Lifting an eyebrow at the sudden howl of dogs setting up a racket outside, Eliot casted a puzzled look Julia's way when she gasped aloud. Before he could ponder the meaning of this, he spied Elizabeth closing in on him.
Before she could pounced on her prize, Willie stepped throught the dancing couples, struck a pose and twirled Elizabeth to the middle of the dance floor. Couples stopped moving and cleared the floor. Quentin, getting a little revenge, popped a tango on the turntable and gave Willie a thumbs up!
Spinning, dizzy and in shock Elizabeth allowed Willie to lead her in the intricate dance steps. As the song's final notes played Elizabeth and Willie froze in place as the room thundered with applause. Dipping Elizabeth back, her head almost touching the floor, Willie locked his moist mouth on hers in passionate kiss!
"UGH!" squealed Elizabeth, "YOU UNCOUTH, LOW CLASS NOBODY! MY LIPS HAVE TOUCHED A SEVANT"S LIPS!!!!!" she spat.
Smirking, Willie zipped up his leather jacket, turned up his collar and strode from the great house into the darkness of the night.
Barnabas' had lost sight of Roxanne during the dance floor ruckus and now he realized she was gone!
The party was over. And he was alone as usual.
^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^
Meanwhile back in the East Wing; Carolyn was getting more and more antsy. She was bored watching her Uncle Roger drinking brandy and of staring into the dark and empty room.
"It'll happen any minute Kitten. I know it!" slurred Roger.
"You have been saying that for hours now!" Jumping from her chair, Carolyn stamped her little feet in rage. "Why did I ever listen to you!"
Pointing her finger in his face she wailed, "I've missed the treat bags! I've missed the dancing! I could have worn my new dress! I missed the PARTY!!!! All because of YOU!!! I am a laughing stock of everyone now! Grrrrr!!!!"
"Now Kitten! Calm down! hic" Roger smiled at her and continued in a awe struck voice, "Soon the room will fill with light! We will see.."
Unable to stand hearing him say this one more time, Carolyn snatched up the brandy decanter and clouted him upside the head and stormed off to her room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After seeing the last of her guest out, Elizabeth went up to the East Wing. Patting Roger's face she managed to get him to come part way to his senses. Helping him to his feet, she lead him by the hand to his room. sitting him on the side of the bed she removed his shoes. Laid him down and covered him a blanket. Leaving a night light burning, Elizabeth went to her own room and to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next evening, just after sunset Barnabas and Roger met on the path to Widow's Hill. Not saying a word they turned together and walked to the cliff edge, sat down and dangled their feet over the edge. Sitting with their heads tilted to one side, gazing at the full moon, bright in the night sky.
"There's always next year Barnabas. May we both realize our dreams by then!"
Sighing, Barnabas nodded.
The End