Subj: One Fine Day (4)
Date: 4/2/00 7:00:44 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Kallie
"A Hot Time In The Old Town"
Outside of the woods the sun felt deliciously warm upon his skin. But for his feet it was a different matter. All day long the pavement had been soaking up the sun's heat, and now it radiated with a vengeance.
Consequently Willie moved rather awkwardly through the town. Gingerly setting one foot down on the sizzling sidewalk as long as he could stand it, then jerking it up for relief, while the other foot suffered. Prancing around like a nervous poodle from one shady spot to the next, Willie had never appreciated his missing shoes more.
Finally he spotted a bench across the way and thought his weary feet could use a rest. So he gathered up his courage and made a mad dash across the smouldering asphalt.
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Horace Weatherbottom was a little too hard of hearing to notice the muffled, "Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch," noises coming quickly towards him. Besides he was too busy stewing over whether or not he should even be here in town. He was worried that the dead might think he had forgotten them.
For more years than he could remember, he and his family had taken care of Eagle Hill Cemetery. Horace took pride in his work, even though it scared him a little sometimes. It was a lonely job, so he was given to talking to the spirits once in awhile. He didn't mind as long as they didn't answer back, although sometimes they did.
Last night he had promised them that he would spruce up the grounds a bit in the morning. But the day turned out to be so beautiful. And his joints didn't feel quite so stiff and painful as they usually did, so he thought he'd spend the day in town instead.
He had just polished off a wonderful spaghetti lunch at The Collinsport Inn. So he thought he'd walk it off and take a pleasant stroll around the square .
Horace was passing by Willie's bench wondering if the spirits were going to get mad at him for putting off his maintenance work, when Willie turned and began to lower himself down towards the seat. Unfortunately, what Willie had failed to notice was that the bench was made out of metal. Metal which had been collecting heat all day. However, it was too late. Willie sat down getting a serious case of rump roast.
"YOW! Willie screamed in shock as he shoot back up like a rocket and ran straight into the fountain in the middle of the square to cool off.
The old caretaker was startled and clutched at his heart. It took him a few minutes to compose himself. But he was used to the dead by now, so he pushed back his thick glasses with his finger, adjusted each side of his mustache and straightened his tie.
Looking straight at the spot where the ghostly shriek had emanated he spoke, "Alright, I know I promised you I'd be working today. But you're dead! You just don't understand how tempting a beautiful day can be to these old bones."
Closing his eyes and nodding his head he started to ambulate. "But, all right, I a comin'. A promise is a promise, and you dead are always wanting me to do something. Why a living guy doesn't have a chance around here.............".
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Sheriff Patterson watched old Weatherbottom conversing with the air on his way to the bus stop. The Sheriff whistled and twirled his fingers 'round his ears pronouncing the old coot as totally bonkers. But then his stomach growled, so he opened the door to "The Donuttery" and went inside.
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Never in his wildest dreams did Willie ever think he'd wind up sitting naked in the middle of the town square, steeping in a fountain. Yet, that's exactly where he was. Closing his eyes, he exhaled with relief as the temperature of his feet and derriere slowly returned to normal. He was beginning to think that being invisible wasn't quite all it was cracked up to be.
Over by the parking meters Willie spied Melanie Hendersen, a girl he sometimes talked to over at the laundromat. She was rummaging in her purse looking for coins to put in the meter, without much success. Finally giving up she looked around nervously noting the meter had only a few minutes left on it and dashed off to the nearest store to get some change.
But time was running out for Melanie because Dolores Beasley, meter maid, had just come around the corner, hoping to add to her ticket quota. Willie had never thought much of Dolores. She was what he referred to as a "studly woman." She was always trying to act like a man. Her dark hair was cut short, and she lumbered down the sidewalk in a most unfeminine way. In fact she looked like a gunfighter who'd been on a horse too long, 'round about high noon getting ready for the draw. She had a stocky figure and a masculine looking face. But her tough guy act wasn't very convincing, as she had a voice like Minnie Mouse.
Dolores spotted the parking meter about to expire and began to stare at it like prey. Her ticket pad and pen poised ready for action. Then the little red flag went up and she smiled a wicked little smile as she began to write.
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Willie was sitting on a small fortune of coins that people had thrown in the fountain hoping for their wishes to be granted. A few of them stuck to his bum when he stood up. And as he brushed them off he decided to put them to good use. He would help make Melanie's wish for the day come true and save her from the macho meter maid. Besides if he played his cards right he could sneak a ride part way to The Old House with her.
So he gathered up several coins and hid them between his hands making them seem to disappear from sight. By the time he crossed the street, Dolores had the ticket finished and tore it out to set on the Cougar. Melanie came out and saw what was going on and thought she'd try to talk her way out of the ticket. But when she looked at the meter it had not expired. In fact it had more time on it than before.
"Excuse me, but why are you giving me a ticket when the meter still has plenty of time on it?", Melanie inquired.
"Your time has expired mam, I got you dead for rights," squeaked a cocky Dolores, assuming her most manly position with her feet spread wide apart and hands on hips.
Melanie walked over to the parking meter and pointed at it showing that it had the maximum time still left on it. "Perhaps you should look again, but if we need a second opinion, I did see Sheriff Patterson over at the donut shop. We could ask him what he thinks."
This struck a nerve. Dolores held Patterson personally responsible for denying her a real police job. Giving Melanie the evil eye she tore up the ticket warning in her high pitched voice, "I don't know how you pulled off that little trick dearie, but I'll be keeping my eye on you."
Melanie was not in the least bit worried and went off to do her shopping.
Dolores went looking for more expired meters. She would have sworn that there were at least three ready and waiting for her to ticket. But when she looked, all the meters on the block were set at the maximum time. Dolores was so mad that she wouldn't be meeting her usual ticket quota for the day, that she kicked one of the meters. Then she spotted Patterson watching her, shaking his head in disapproval. So she retreated, limping around the corner.
And if you listened very carefully there was the sound of laughter dancing in the wind.
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Willie walked over to "The Donuttery" and watched the man responsible for his back being riddled with bullets, enjoying several jelly donuts and a coffee. He wished that he could give him just a little pay back for all the pain he had suffered.
He thought and thought and then he saw some kid coming out of "Beulah's Critter Cave" carrying a small cage with a little while white mouse in it, and Willie was inspired.
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George Patterson was hungry. It had been his usual habit to stop by "The Donuttery and have a few donuts in the late afternoon as a snack. After all isn't that what policemen were supposed to do?
He had been starting in on his second donut, this time with luscious raspberry filling, when he spotted Dolores kicking the meter. What a space cadet, he thought. He was never going to let such an incompetent twit on HIS crack police force. He chucked a bit when he saw her limping away. Then unbuckled his belt to make room for more donuts. It was his ritual. Then the door blew open and he started on his third tasty treat with the lemon filling.
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How fortunate it was for his plans that Patterson had removed his hat and set it down on the table. Willie stared down at the shiny bald head with glee as he dangled the little white mouse above, gently setting it down on Patterson's smooth dome.
The sheriff was just about to bit down on a powdery delight when he felt a strange sensation on top of his head. The powder went straight up his nose, making him cough, as he reacted with surprise and knocked the offending object off his head.
As he took another bit, the mouse had recovered itself and crawled along his shoulder next to his collar which was unbutton because of the heat of the day. George felt a little tingling around his neck so he pulled out his collar to get a little relief, unknowingly sending the mouse crashing down inside.
The sheriff blasted out of his seat, yelling, "Get it out, get it out!" He pulled at his shirt and to his horror the mouse crawled right into his pants. The mouse was frightened at all the screaming and being tossed about and began to bite. The sheriff was hopping around like a man on fire, until gradually his pants fell down.
Finally managing to remove his pants with his shoes still intact, Patterson then grabbed his final solution to every problem and began shooting holes in his trousers. Everyone in the shop stared dumbfound at the sight of Patterson in his underwear blasting away at his clothes. They didn't know what to do. The mouse had long since escaped and Willie's revenge was complete.
He ran back across the street and snuck into Melanie's car. Amusing himself with thoughts of the sheriff while he waited for his ride home.
Kallie >^,,^<