Subj: Dudley Do-Right Meets Barnabas Collins
Date: 8/1/00 1:31:59 AM Central Daylight Time
From: Karen

Dudley Do-Right, Canadian Mountie, started as he heard gun shots in the distance. Although not a brave or a smart man, Dudley knew it was his duty to discover the origin of the shots. He put on his trusty side-arm and went to investigate.

Using the gun shots as a tracking device, Dudley came upon his arch enemy, Snidely Whiplash. Noticing the gun in Snidely hands, Dudley thought he had better ask some questions.

"Snidely, what are you doing with that shotgun?" Dudley asked.

Snidely smiled his snidely smile. He twisted his luxuriant snidely mustache and replied, "Why I am hunting vampires, Dudley, old chum."

Dudley looked around him, a frightened look on his face. Trembling, he asked, "V-v-v-vampires? Are there v-v-v-v-vampires in these woods?" He grabbed Snidely's arm and cowered beside him.

"Oh, Dudley, my dear old friend, yes, there are vampires around here. That is why I am shooting gold dust into the rocks and streams. Everyone knows that to kill a vampire you either stake him through the heart OR you shoot him with gold. Kills him instantly!" Snidely said, as Dudley continued to shake and shiver.

Dudley stood upright and said, in a voice that sounded braver than it actually was, "Of course! Everyone knows that! I just wanted to see if you knew it, Snidely. Well, carry on!"

Snidely watched as Dudley Do-Right, surely the thickest tree trunk in the forest, walked away slowly, looking around, starting at every sound.

"Well, my boy, I have given you something to think about, haven't I?" Snidely went about his business (nasty business, of course) and will not appear in our story again.

********************************************

Dudley went back to his cabin with some trepidation. Vampires, he thought. I must have some gold bullets made immediately. After he had telephoned the bullet maker and placed his order, Dudley felt a lot better.

Just as he settled in his chair, there came a knock at the door. Jumping up in fright, he yelled, in a much higher voice than his usual one, "Who's there?"

When he heard what had come out of his mouth, Dudley's voice dropped an octave and called out again, "Who's there?"

A sweet voice answered him. "Dudley, it is I, Nell! I have come back after all this time to see you. May I come in?"

Dudley's heart did a triple-axle back flip with a twist in his chest as he heard his long-lost love's voice. Walking manfully to the door, he flung it open to reveal Nell, a beautiful blonde, dressed in the height of fashion.

Could this be his Nell? After all these years? She looks so different, he thought. So pale. But one look in those baby blue eyes told him it was his love, Nell.

Taking Nell into his arms, Dudley kissed her chastely on the cheek. He walked her into the room, without noticing the tall, dark and handsome man standing in the doorway.

The man wore an Inverness coat and carried a cane with a wolf's head handle. He stepped into the room and cleared his throat.

The noise startled Dudley, who turned to the man. "May I help you, sir?" he asked the stranger.

"Oh, Dudley, this is my friend, Barnabas Collins. I met him in Maine a few months ago." Nell said.

She went to Barnabas and put her arm through his. "Barnabas, I would like you to met my old sweetheart, Dudley Do-Right. Dudley, this is my new sweetheart, Barnabas Collins."

The two men shook hands. Dudley was stunned. Her 'new' sweetheart? He thought Nell came back for him! He stared at Barnabas. He didn't like what he saw. Yes, he had to admit that Barnabas was handsome, but those eyes! So hypnotic, so dark, so.........

Dudley shook himself. Remembering his manners, he indicated chairs for Nell and Barnabas and sat down himself.

"Well, Nell, this is quite a surprise. What brings you to my neck of the woods?" Dudley asked.

"Oh, you know, showing Barnabas the old haunts, digging up old friends, that sort of thing." Nell said lightly. The lamplight played against her face, showing deep shadows under her eyes.

"Are you all right, Nell?" Dudley asked. "You look so pale. And the shadows under your eyes! I hope you aren't sick?" His face was filled with concern.

Nell just waved his concern away. Giving Barnabas a meaningful look, she said, "Dudley, I am just fine! I have never felt better! And neither will you when I tell you what Barnabas and I have to offer." She smiled coyly.

Dudley looked from one to the other. He noticed that Barnabas' face was also pale, with shadows under his eyes as well. If whatever they were offering made a person look like that, well, he wanted no part of it!

"I don't think so, Nell. You two don't look so well." Dudley said.

Nell got up quickly and walked to the door. "Hm, I thought you were smarter than this, Dudley. I guess I was wrong!" she said sadly.

Barnabas Collins got up as well. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Do-Right. Perhaps we will meet again." Barnabas said, his voice oozing charm.

Dudley could feel himself falling into some sort of web. The web became more sticky as Barnabas' voice drew him deeper into it. He moved closer to Barnabas, holding his head to one side.

Just as he got within 2 feet of Mr. Collins, Dudley was awoken by a knock at the door. The spell was broken. He shook himself and went to answer the summons. It was the bullet maker with his order of golden bullets.

Thanking the bullet maker, Dudley turned to see that Nell and her friend had vanished!

"That's strange!" he said to himself. "They just disappeared!" Scratching his head, Dudley decided that it wasn't that mysterious after all. They probably went out the back door.

"Oh, well," Dudley said, "it is time for bed anyway!" He put his p.j.s on and feel asleep instantly.

***********************************************

The next day, all Dudley could think about was vampires roaming the woods. He put the gold bullets in his gun and searched the woods. He searched high and low, but he found no vampires. As it was getting late, Dudley decided to go home. He had not eaten all day and he was hungry.

Entering his cabin, he put the gun with the golden bullets on the table while he made dinner. As he ate, Dudley worried about Nell. Was she all right? he thought. I hope so, I wouldn't want anything to happen to Nell!

As Dudley finished eating, there was a knock at the door. Picking up his gun, he answered it. There stood Nell and Barnabas Collins.

"Good evening, Mr. Do-right. May we come in?" Barnabas asked. Nell smiled prettily at Dudley and he felt he couldn't refuse.

Opening the door wider, Dudley bid them welcome. "Please sit down. Would you like something to eat or drink?" he asked politely, setting the gun down.

"Oh, no, Dudley, we don't want anything! Come sit by me, won't you?" Nell begged, smiling her most beguiling smile.

Dudley sat down next to Nell. She turned her face to his, and taking his hands in hers, commanded, "Look into my eyes, Dudley!"

Dudley tried to resist, but could not. He gazed into her twin pools of deep blue. He was reminded of last night's encounter with Barnabas. He could feel himself trapped in the same web. He could see Nell coming closer and closer to him, mouth open, fangs extended.

Dudley fought for control over his body. With superhuman strength, he pulled away from Nell and jumped from the sofa.

Running to the table, he grabbed his gun, shouting, "Snidely was right! There are vampires in the woods! And you are one of them!!!"

Somehow Dudley found the courage to fire the gun at his childhood sweetheart as she came towards him, ready to bite him on the neck. He shot Nell three times in the heart and then at Barnabas Collins, too.

Dudley was surprised that the golden bullets had no effect on them. Snidely had told him that golden bullets stopped vampires. Why wasn't it working? he thought with despair.

"Why aren't you dead?" Dudley shouted. "I shot you with golden bullets!"

Nell laughed. "Oh, Dudley, I guess you really aren't as smart as I thought you were." She got very close to him and pricked his neck with her fangs.

As she drank his blood and he could feel his life draining from his body, he could hear her whisper,

"Everyone knows that you use SILVER bullets to kill a vampire!"

THE END

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production.