Subj: Kate Chapter 19
Date: 5/9/00 5:58:32 AM Central Daylight Time
From: Karen

Kate woke up the next morning feeling awful. Her head felt like it was filled with cotton, her body ached from the unnatural position she slept in, her eyes felt puffy and she was cold.

Realizing she had slept in her dress answered the cold question. The eyes, Kate knew, were from crying. So was the stuffed head. As she sat up, her head starting pounding.

Great, she thought, that’s all I need today. Kate lay back on the bed and groaned. I have too many things to do today for all this crap.

Just as Kate was getting into her crab session, she heard a knock at the door. "Come in!" she said, sounding better than she felt.

The door opened and Julia walked in. She looked at Kate and asked, "Late night, eh?" Without waiting for an answer, Julia tossed the red journal on the bed. "Here is what you were asking for. I hope it helps your friend." she said.

Turning towards the door, Julia started to leave the room. Kate’s voice stopped her.

"Julia, I don’t know what to say, except thank you. I appreciate you helping us. I know Ryan and Stephen will be forever grateful, as I will be." Kate said.

Julia turned to Kate and said, "Don’t think I am doing this for you. I am doing it for Ryan. I remember how Barnabas was, alternating between hating himself and succumbing to the blood lust. It was a difficult time for him. I don’t like to think of another human being going through what Barnabas did."

"Julia," Kate said, sitting up, "please, I thought we had settled our differences yesterday. I don’t know why you are so hostile today, but it doesn’t solve anything. Can’t we be friends, or at least not enemies?" she beseeched Julia.

Julia looked at her and sighed. "It is difficult for me, Kate. You have to understand. I love Barnabas and I don’t want him hurt. With you, I see nothing but hurt for him." Julia replied.

Julia walked to the door again. Kate watched her leave without saying a word. What could she say to allay Julia’s fears. Those fears were perfectly justified. All Kate could see for Barnabas was what Julia saw. Hurt and loss.

Kate closed the door. Walking to the armoire, she pulled out the velvet bag and took out its contents. Setting the communicator on the bed, she pushed the call button.

Stephen appeared instantly. "Will she help us, Kate? Ryan is despairing more and more each day. She has to help him!" he cried. Looking more closely at Kate’s puffy eyes, he asked, "What is going on, Katie, love? You look terrible!"

"Thanks, Stephen. I feel terrible too. Look, I got Julia Hoffman’s journal. She was very willing to help us. So, I guess, I will head back today."

At the thought of leaving, tears came unbidden to her eyes. Stephen looked at her curiously. "Katie, what’s with the tears? It’s not like you to cry. What’s the story? You can tell Uncle Stephen anything, you know that." he said jokingly.

That only made Kate cry harder. She sat, sobbing, for a few minutes, Stephen looking very uncomfortable. He kept looking everywhere but at Kate. He began to think she would never stop. Stephen felt as if Kate were sobbing her heart out.

Finally, Kate stopped crying. Wiping her eyes, she said, "Oh, Stephen, I am in such a mess! I don’t know what to do. I-I-I," she stammered, gulping for breath, "I have fallen in love with someone here in this time. I can not bear to leave him. What should I do, bud? I can’t think!"

Stephen looked at Kate with sympathy. He knew what it was like to love someone and not know what do. Every night, Stephen would lie in bed wondering if Ryan would be the same again. Would Kate be able to help them both. Stephen missed Ryan so much, it was almost unbearable.

To Kate, he said, "Kate, you are aware of the fact you don’t belong in 1969, you belong here in 2109. You could already have influenced the future by being there. That is an indisputable fact. You also are aware that Ryan needs the information contained in Julia Hoffman’s journal. You are the only one who can bring it back to the future. What you decide to do after you bring the journal to me is the problem. I can’t decide for you; it is something you have to decide for yourself. Just remember, you have people here who love you, too. Nonnie and Gramps, Ryan, the cats and me." Stephen grimaced. "I know I probably didn’t help you at all. I am sorry. We need you here, too, Kate. You are part of our lives, someone we would miss terribly if you were gone. Think about it, okay?"

Kate nodded her head and replied, "You are right, Stephen. I do have a lot of people who love me and are counting on me." She hesitated, then went on. "I will be home in time for dinner, okay? See you then."

Stephen smiled and said, "See you then. Love you, Katie."

"Love you, too, Stephen. Bye.’ Kate turned off the communicator and put it back in the bag.

Replacing the bag in its hiding place, Kate thought to herself, Well, the first thing I need to do is find some relief from this headache and then a nice long, hot shower to clear away the cobwebs. I will eat breakfast and then tackle the next problem: telling Barnabas I am leaving.

Kate quickly changed into her robe, grabbed her bathroom bag and headed for the bathroom, determined to clear her mind of everything until later. Telling Barnabas she was leaving would be the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She hoped she would find the courage.

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