Subj: Kate Ch 30
Date: 5/30/00 3:39:03 AM Central Daylight Time
From: Karen
Kate lay restlessly on the bed in her room at Collinwood. Her body told her to sleep, but her mind kept going over the events of the last few hours. The news she was pregnant, followed by the mad dash to pack, saying goodbye to her grandparents and her friends, rushing to see Barnabas, and then finding him in such a state! It defied imagination. His treatment of her was so startling, Kate didn’t know what to think. All she knew was Barnabas had rejected her and his child.
That rankled more than she could say. Handling everything else seemed easy compared to Barnabas’ rejection. His last ditch effort to stop her had so angered her, she didn’t stop to think; she just left.
Kate had deliberately waited a minute or two for him to follow her. Just as she gave up on him, he called for her to stop. His actions had caused a such hardness in her heart. Kate knew that to stay would mean a future for them; but what kind of future? One of ultimatums and threats? Never knowing when Barnabas’ fury would unleash itself against her and their child? Kate could not bear the thought of living that way. Especially not with a child involved.
Kate got up from the bed and walked to the window. She gazed out on the grounds, so beautifully manicured. It was nice to be back at Collinwood, she thought. Elizabeth is so kind. And everyone else, too. David has grown in such a short time! It is amazing.
Kate hugged herself and thought about her child. Someday, she would be tall like her mother and .... her father. Tears sprang to Kate’s eyes.
"You may never know your daddy, little one," she whispered. "Oh, but I do hope you will."
There was a knock at the door.
"Kate, may I come in?" asked Elizabeth. Hearing Kate say yes, she entered. Seeing Kate crying, Elizabeth rushed over to her. She pulled Kate over to the bed and they sat down together.
"Kate, please tell me what is troubling you?" asked Elizabeth. "I want to help in anyway I can. Is it Barnabas?"
Kate nodded. She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. "Elizabeth, I thought he would happy to see me, but he wasn’t. He was so," she paused, "angry. I didn’t know what to do. So I got angry. I told him that I would never see him again." Kate allowed the tears to fall in earnest now. "How can I undo what I said? Or do I even want to? I am so confused!" Kate cried angrily.
"Kate, I hope you won’t be angry with me, but I spoke to Barnabas after you arrived." Elizabeth said. Kate gasped. "He didn’t tell me anything, but what I saw spoke volumes."
"What do you mean?" Kate asked.
"Barnabas and Willie were putting the Old House back together. The living room was cleaned, it looked better than it has in a long time. Even Barnabas was clean. He had showered, shaved, was dressed as he always was. And as charming as ever. I think he is trying to put things to rights between the two of you." Elizabeth concluded. She looked at Kate, wondering what her reaction would be.
Kate sat, wondering what to make of all of this. Did all this ‘cleaning’ mean Barnabas was going to straighten up his act? Going off the brandy wouldn’t be easy. Should she...
Elizabeth interrupted Kate’s thoughts. "Kate, don’t you dare go there and help him! Barnabas needs to do this himself." At Kate’s look, Elizabeth smiled. "I could tell by the expression on your face, you want to go to him. I advise against it. I think Barnabas needs to learn to crawl before he can walk." she said emphatically.
Getting up, Elizabeth said, "Kate, dinner will be served in about 45 minutes. Why don’t you take a shower and freshen up? I have had to practically tie David to a chair to keep him from bothering you. I will see you at dinner."
Before Elizabeth could leave, Kate said, "I have something I have to tell you. I hope you don’t think badly of me because of it." She seemed embarrassed.
Elizabeth waited expectantly. "Whatever it is, Kate, you know you can tell me. You are like a daughter to me. I would never judge you." she said kindly.
Kate didn’t know where to look. "Thank you, Elizabeth. It’s just that, well, I’m uh, well, I’m going to have uh, a baby." she stammered. Kate looked up to see Elizabeth smiling.
"A baby! Kate, that is wonderful! I know that it might not look good to others, but I am delighted. Just what this family needs, a child to bring joy to our lives." she said happily.
"I am not so sure about that." Kate said. "I mean, Roger, he’s so concerned with appearances and I’m not married."
"Oh, bother Roger! He will get over it. Don’t you worry about Roger. I can handle him. You just worry about the baby." Elizabeth said. "You need to stay healthy and away from any stress. You let me worry about stress, all right?"
Elizabeth hugged Kate to her. "One thing, does Barnabas know about the child?" she asked.
Kate said, "Yes. It was a subject that was not greeted with happiness." She shook her head to clear away the image of Barnabas, standing by the window; accusing her of pawning off another man’s child on him. Kate shuddered to think about it.
"Don’t worry about Barnabas. Men say very foolish things when they are angry." Elizabeth said. "I think he is already regretting his bad temper."
With that last comment, Elizabeth left the room. Kate decided she was right, a long hot shower was what she needed most. She headed for the bathroom and took her clothes off. The hot water eased her tense muscles. She soaped her body, wishing that it was Barnabas’ hands touching her. The sponge glided over her breasts and stomach; down between her legs. It felt so good.
"Barnabas," she moaned as she touched herself. It had been such a long time since they had made love. Kate ached for his touch. She let her mind wander to their last love-making experience. To feel his hard penis in her mouth and his mouth on her, sucking her to the point of orgasm. She slumped to the floor of the shower and began to cry. Would they ever experience love together? Kate wished with all her heart that they would be together again, but when? The problems they had were seemingly insurmountable.
Kate reassured herself that lovers throughout history overcame differences and were happy at last. Would it happen for Barnabas and her?
Kate got out of the shower and toweled herself off. Looking in the mirror, she said with a determined look on her face, "Yes, it will!"
***************
Barnabas looked anxiously around, making sure everything was clean and neat. How could I have allowed myself to fall into that pit?, he thought. I remember my mother dealing with her problems in the same way. I swore I would never turn to drink.
Barnabas shook his head. What a fool I have been! he thought. How could I have treated Kate in that manner? I should have welcomed her with open arms. Instead I almost rape her. I would have if she hadn’t told me about the child. My child, our child. This should be one of the happiest days of my life, but I ruined it. Is it too late for us? "Oh God, please don’t let it be too late!" Barnabas cried.
"Let what be too late, Barnabas?" asked Willie, coming into the living room with a vase full of fresh flowers. He set the vase on a table and asked again, "Too late for what?"
"Willie, I am not usually in the habit of confiding in you, but I need to talk to someone." Barnabas said. He added bitterly, "Julia is no longer available."
"Yeah, she is pretty busy up at the hospital. Plus, she’s got that new man in her life. What’s his name? Gerard Mathews? Ain’t he the guy she met in New York?" Willie asked guilelessly.
Barnabas knew very well what was keeping Julia away. When she had come back from New York, she came to visit. Ostensibly it was to say hello, I’m back, but it was a wake-up call for Barnabas. Julia had told him she had met a Dr. Mathews in New York. Dr. Mathews was someone she had know several years ago. They renewed their acquaintance while both were vacationing in New York. A spark had been kindled and Dr. Mathews was coming to work at Wyndcliffe.
Barnabas was hurt that Julia, the one who always stood by him, had now taken up with someone else. When Julia had refused to be drawn into Barnabas’ longing for Kate; he had been surprised.
"Barnabas," Julia had told him, "I am not here to hold your hand over another broken romance. I don’t have the time or the inclination anymore. You will just have to wallow in self-pity be yourself."
Barnabas hadn’t know what to say. Julia had always been there for him. But then, he had always taken advantage of her loyalty and the love she felt for him. The love he could not return. He had watched Julia walk out of the house and back to Collinwood. She didn’t even take a second glance back.
That was the first night Barnabas had opened the bottle of brandy and drank himself to oblivion. Each night, and soon day, he tried to dull the pain of Kate’s leaving and Julia walking out. It didn’t help the pain, but at least he was drunk enough to pass out each night. He had nightmares about Kate, Julia and Angelique. Angelique was always laughing at him in the dreams; that wicked laugh which caused shivers to run down his spine. Barnabas would awaken and take another drink. So it went night after night.
At one point, Barnabas thought he would die. The days and nights were a blur, except for the dreams. Angelique taunting him, Kate and Julia walking away into the mist. He wanted them both back in his life. Julia seemed easy to persuade, but Kate was an indistinct shape; hiding, always hiding. Often he would wake up screaming Kate’s name. Willie would come to his room, trying to soothe him. Sometimes it worked, most of the time it didn’t.
Today, when Kate walked up the stairs and back into his life, Barnabas was at the end of his rope. He hadn’t slept in several days, afraid of the nightmares that surely would haunt him. Seeing her, all the raw emotions building inside of him burst out. He had never felt so angry in his life; not even with Angelique. All he could think of was to hurt her; hurt her so badly, she would leave him to his misery. To know Kate was frightened of him, to see the terror in her eyes, Barnabas felt so powerful and strong. Now, after a hot shower, fresh clothes and strong coffee, he felt like an utter fool. All he had done was drive Kate away.
Turning to Willie, Barnabas said, "Willie, I hope it isn’t too late for Kate and myself. She is not happy with me and I don’t blame her. I have treated her badly. I don’t know how she can ever forgive me." he ended sadly.
Willie put his hand on Barnabas’ shoulder. "Barnabas, you gotta know Kate loves you with all her heart. You just gotta win her back. Do all that stuff you do; you be charmin’ and take her out and all that. She’ll come around. Show her you have changed. That’s what you need ta do!" Willie said sagely.
Barnabas couldn’t suppress a laugh. "Willie, you are right, of course. I don’t think I will start tonight. A leopard doesn’t change his spots overnight. I need to woo her soon, but not tonight. Tomorrow or the next day will work out splendidly." Barnabas clapped Willie on the back. "Thank you, Willie, you have been most helpful. Now, what do you have planned for dinner. I feel like I could eat a rhinoceros!"
Willie laughed. "Well, the store was out of rhino meat, but they did have a nice rump roast that is cookin’ as we speak. Will that do ya?" he asked.
Barnabas nodded. "Yes, Willie, that will do nicely. It will do nicely indeed."
Barnabas sat in his favorite chair by the fire and picked up a long neglected book. As he turned the pages, Willie said, "It sure is nice to have you back, Barnabas."
"Thank you, Willie." Barnabas replied. "It is good to be back."
Willie left the room and Barnabas said softly, "Nothing would make it better than to have Kate here by my side. Tomorrow I will start on my plans. Tomorrow."