Subj: Cursed Remembrances
Date: 1/29/02 9:07:21 PM Central Standard Time
From: Kim D.

It was another cold Maine night, though he had stopped noticing the cold a long time ago. He stood over a grave on Eagle Hill. It was set apart from the rest of the graves - alone, and with only the modest head stone he had bought. Her name was Nicolette Jarickson. She was a journalist who had been traveling from Washington DC. She was only going to spend two nights at Collinsport on her way home to Bangor. He now stood over her grave wondering if she hadn't instinctively sensed a story in Collinsport. She had no family; at least none that cared enough to have her body transported back to Bangor. Perhaps her aloneness was the reason he had chosen her. If she were to end up missing no one would come looking.

Her deep red hair hung straight to her shoulders. Her brown eyes sparkled when she smiled. She was small, only 5'1". She had been so vibrant, with an easy smile and laugh. He knelt by her grave and placed a single rose there. "I'm sorry," was all he said. He stayed for an hour lost in the limited memories he had of her. He had only known her for a short time. He felt a tear slide down his cold check. It had been a long time since he had allowed himself any tears.

He heard a voice softly calling his name. It was her voice. He stood and looked around to find himself alone. It was the wind he told himself. Leaving the cemetery, he looked around still expecting to see someone, but no one was there. He still heard the voice, which sounded so much like Nicolette, whispering to him.

Continuing to think of her, he walked home. He remembered the first time he saw her. She walked alone around Collinwood. At first he thought she was trying to break-in. He stopped her, demanding to know what she was doing.

"I'm a journalist," she answered. I was passing though Collinsport on my way home and decided to stop. Mrs. Stoddard gave me permission to photograph Collinwood for my newspaper."

"Where's your camera?" he asked noticing that she only carried pencil, and paper.

"I'm just looking around now, but I was planing to return tomorrow with my camera."

"I can show you around now, if you want. You won't find a better guide." He thought she was interesting, though he wasn't sure why. Showing her around would give him the chance to get to know her.

She smiled at him. "I would love if you showed me around."

He showed her around the estate occasionally giving her a brief history. She looked at everything critically, as if deciding the best camera angle. "Your home is so beautiful. I know the photographs I take will be lovely." He heard the sincerity and excitement in her voice.

"Have you always lived in Bangor?" he asked.

"No, while I was growing up, my parents moved around a lot because of my dad's job. I admire the history you have with this place."

"But I imagine with all the traveling you've done you must have had such an interesting childhood."

"Yes, interesting, but lonely. I always wondered what it would have been like to have had a stable life, surrounded by people you've known your whole life. No sooner did I get used to one place, we had to move again."

"I imagine you've corrected that now."

"If that's your polite way of asking if I'm married the answer is no." At his curious look she continued. "You might say I haven't found the right person." Her tone indicated that wasn't the whole story.

"What else might you say?"

"I find now I'm the one who travels too much." She looked sad as she spoke. "If I was married I'd either be away from home all the time, or dragging a family along with me from place to place."

"But the right man might enjoy the dragging." She smiled again. "I knew I could make you smile again," he said in satisfaction.

"What?"

"You have an easy smile that lights up your whole face. It's very beautiful." He touched her soft face. She looked at him with openness and warmth. He could easily get carried away with her.

When he had finished showing her around she turned to him and asked, "Will you show me the grounds again tomorrow when I have my camera?"

He turned away from her. "I'm afraid I can't," he said, his voice full of regret. "I have business to take care of tomorrow."

"What's wrong?" she asked coming closer to him and placing her hand on his shoulder.

He looked at her hand as she looked at him with curiosity. He placed his hand over hers where it rested on his shoulder. She would be such an easy target. No he screamed to himself. Something was different about her, drawing him to her. "My life is complicated right now, much too complicated to explain. I'm afraid I won't be able to see anymore of you."

"Oh," she said with disappointment. She withdrew her hand and backed away from him. He should have left her alone with that.

He entered the old house, breaking out of his somber thoughts. He sank into his favorite chair, tired. "Is something wrong Barnabas?" Willie asked, entering the room.

"No Willie, everything's fine." He got up and walked across the room as if he were leaving. Something caught his attention. He turned to the desk and picked up a photograph. Nicolette's face smiled at him. She had seemed so happy. It was a contrast to the death he had caused. "Willie how did this photograph get here?"

Willie came closer to Barnabas and looked at the photo. "I don't know. I've never seen it before."

"Neither have I." He set the photo down and wondered where it came from. He knew he had never had a picture of her. "Get rid of it Willie. I don't want any reminders of her in this house." He turned toward the window and stared into the night trying to clear his mind of her. She had touched something in him few people managed to get to, and he was responsible for her death. Over the years he had learned not to think of his victims. They weren't people to him, only a source of necessary nourishment. She had managed to get to him, despite his best attempt to keep her away. He turned again to leave the house. The cool night air would clear his mind. He passed by the desk again, and again saw her photo. This time the face seemed to look at him angry, hurt, and accusing.

Subj: Cursed Remembrances Chapter 2
Date: 2/4/02 8:43:50 PM Central Standard Time
From: Kim D.

Warning: This chapter contains adult situations.
Barnabas heard the sound of a soft female voice calling his name. He stood still for a moment, stunned. He recognized the voice immediately as Nicolette. But that couldn't be. She died; she wouldn't return. Her voice surrounded him like a fog, bringing unwelcome memories of before. The evening fell. He walked toward Collinwood when he heard her calling to him. There was something about her he couldn't get out of his mind. He didn't know if it was her beauty, or her innocence, as she had not yet been affected by all the horrors he has seen at Collinwood. But something about her drew him in. He had meant to stay away from her. When she returned to her life he wanted her to go without being exposed to any of the horrors of this place, himself included. He didn't stop to consider why she was so important to him. He turned at the sound of her voice and saw her turning a corner and walking toward him.

"Good evening. Still taking pictures?" he asked, noticing her camera.

"Yes, there's some great night shots here." She stepped closer to him and looked into his face. "I probably won't get a chance to see you again, so I wanted to thank you for showing me around yesterday."

"Will you leave soon?" he asked relieved she would be safely away soon.

"Yes, Elizabeth was kind enough to let me spend another night, but I have to return to Bangor early tomorrow morning. You almost sound glad to see me go."

"No, I'm not," he said wishing she wasn't in danger by staying here. "Would you like another escort around the estate?" The instant he said it he wished he hadn't. He had meant to stay away from her hadn't he?

She smiled at him, with a smile that lit up her whole face and said, "I would love that."

He escorted her around the estate, while they continued talking. She occasionally took pictures. "I've told you so much about my family," Barnabas said. "But I want to know more about you."

"I'm not nearly that interesting. I don't have a big family like you. While I was growing up it was just me and my parents, but they died a few years ago in a car wreck." A hint of sadness was in her voice as she said it.

"Then you're all alone?" No one would miss her if she were to disappear. The thought came unwelcome into his mind. He wished he had fed sometime in the past few days. He had to fight the urge to reach for her.

"Yes, I suppose that's why I spend so much time working."

She looked so vulnerable and alone that he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms and holding her. He had a feeling this vulnerableness was something she didn't show very often. "Your not alone." He felt his hunger increase as she leaned trustingly into his strength. He brushed the hair away from her neck and fought against his desire to take her.

Before he did anything more she moved away from him. "I know I'm not alone." She smiled at him and touched his arm.

They found themselves standing in front of the old house. Nicolette raised her camera and took another picture. "Elizabeth told me how beautifully your home has been restored."

"Yes, it looks as it did in the late 1700's. Maybe you'd like to come inside for a look?" He was shocked when he heard himself say it. He was having enough problems controlling himself out here, he wasn't sure what would happen once they were secluded inside. He didn't know why he felt so drawn to her, if it was his hunger or something else.

She looked at her watch, then smiled at him again and said, "I'd like to. But I can only stay a few moments. It's getting late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow to leave." He found himself walking in the house with her. Nicolette stepped inside and looked around as if trying to take in every detail. "You've done a beautiful job restoring it. Do you mind if I take a few pictures?"

"Of course not." She raised her camera and snapped a picture. He showed her around the house, telling her more stories of his family and the house. She took pictures as they went. The tour ended at the top of the stairs.

"Why did you change your mind?" she asked. "Yesterday you said you wouldn't see me anymore."

"I found it hard to stay away." He reached for her hand and rubbed her soft palm with his thumb.

"Thank you for showing me around. You've been very kind to me." On impulse she put her around him and kissed him. He had all the encouragement he needed. He put his arms around her, and pulled her closer. He returned her kiss eagerly and thoroughly. He felt her response as she leaned into his strength. He released her lips and placed kisses along her jaw. "I've never been this attracted to anyone before," she whispered into his ear.

He reached behind her and opened a door. Without releasing his hold on her, he led her through the door and into a bedroom. His hands slipped under her blouse and caressed her soft warm skin. He moved a hand from her waist to cup her breast. As he gently rubbed it he heard her gasp. He removed her white blouse and pulled her onto the bed. She looked at him, and her eyes shone with building passion. She reached up and unbuttoned his shirt. She put her arms around him and pulled him to her. He lowered his head and kissed her mouth again while his hand moved under her skirt and removed her underwear. "I need you," he whispered into her ear.

"Oh, yes," she breathed in answer. He felt his physical desire for her increase as well as animal hunger. He felt his fangs distend in response to his hunger. He lowered his mouth to her breast and raked his teeth across the peak. He felt her shiver in delight. Her hands ran over his body. His hand slid up her leg, under her red skirt and reached between her thighs. She moaned, urging him on. He brought his head up to kiss the side of her neck. He felt her strong, rapid pulse. He bared his fangs and sank them into her soft neck. She screamed and pushed frantically against him, struggling to free herself. He felt the connection between them growing. He felt her emotions and thoughts.

She fought against the pleasure that threatened to overwhelm her. She couldn't give in to him. He felt her resolve to resist the passion he knew she felt. Trying to hold her still, he drank from her, but she screamed. He positioned himself between her legs and thrust himself into her. She stopped pushing against his chest and clutched him as a wave of pleasure coursed through her. He pushed himself deeper into her, and her screams turned to a moan. He felt encouraged now that she no longer resisted him and sank his fangs deeper into her neck. She cried out again when she felt the teeth dig deeper into her. She lifted her hands to try to push against him, but her body now refused to resist the waves of passion that infused them both. She even felt her legs wrap tighter around his still thrusting hips. "Please no," she whispered. She felt him draining the life from her. She heard herself moan as the strangely pleasurable sensations permeated her whole body. Why had she been fighting this? She couldn't remember now. That was her last thought.

He looked at her later. She lay on the bed, still and pail. "Nicolette?" He refused to believe what his senses told him. She was dead.

Barnabas couldn't stand to remember anymore. Returning to the present he still heard her voice. He also heard the door opening and saw Willie come inside. "Willie do you hear it?"

Willie paused for a moment then answered, "No I don't hear anything."

Her voice faded away. "What do you mean you couldn't hear anything? It was her. Nicolette called to me after all this time."

"Are you sure?" Willie looked at him skeptically as if he thought he was hearing things.

"Of course I'm sure. I heard her voice as clearly as I'm hearing yours now."

"Alright Barnabas," Willie said and continued down the hall, even though Barnabas knew he didn't believe he'd heard anything.

Maybe it wasn't her voice he had heard. Maybe it was someone else. He walked outside in search of the voice that he was sure was outside the window. He circled around the house, but saw no one. He walked through the trees and shrubbery close to the house, but still saw no one. He decided that whoever it was had already left so he returned to the house. He had reached the front when he saw an image of a woman lying on the ground. The woman didn't seem to have any substance, she looked transitory. In the moonlight he saw her shoulder length red hair and a white blouse and red skirt. "Nicolette?" he questioned coming closer to the image. She didn't move, she only lay there. He heard the rustle of someone coming toward him from the side of the house. He looked up and saw Julia walking toward him. "Julia, do you see her?" He gestured toward the ground where Nicolette lay.

Julia looked closely at the ground. "No, I'm afraid I don't see anything." She looked at him with curiosity. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he answered in a frustrated voice.

"I came by to talk, but I'll come back another time if you're not in the mood for company." He barely heard what she was saying, and he didn't notice her turn and leave. A tear falling down his face, he continued to look at the image only he seemed to see. The vision took him back to that time before, when she was still here.

He had Willie watch over her the next day, and if she awoke before he did
Willie was to make sure she didn't leave the house.

When he awoke the next evening he went to where he'd left her on the bed. She still lay, as he had placed her. He sat beside her and touched her cold, pale face. She wouldn't be alone anymore, and he wouldn't have to worry about facing an eternity by himself. Several hours later he watched her eyelids flutter open. She looked around her, then at him.

"Barnabas?" She felt so odd. A strange lethargy hampered her movements. Her mind was clouded. She couldn't remember what had happened to her. The last thing she remembered was Barnabas. She had told him goodbye. They started to make love when she felt his teeth at her throat. She sat quickly upright, and stared wide-eyed at him. "What are you? What did you do to me?"

"Relax," he said in his most soothing voice. His eyes bore deeply into hers. That should have been enough to calm her down. He reached to touch her, but she recoiled from him.

"No," she screamed, "don't touch me." She jumped off the bed, intending to run out the door. But the room grew dark, and her head throbbed. She staggered toward the door then fell back on the bed.

"Your body hasn't adjusted to the change yet."

"I want to know what happened. Did you drug me?" He felt the resentment she had for him.

"No, I did not drug you. You are aware of creatures called vampires?"

"They're only stories. They're not real."

"They are real. You know this now." He looked at her for her reaction.

Yes, she did know, she could no longer deny it. "I suppose I should be glad I'm still alive," she said bitterly, still not realizing all that had happened.

He looked at her with a solemn expression. "But you aren't alive, not really."

She looked at him, horrified as she realized what she had become. She wanted to rage at him, but she knew it would do no good. She would still be left with this miserable existence. She got off the bed, walked to the window, then pulled back the curtains and stared into the moonlit night in an attempt to shut him out. She felt him walk behind her and place a hand on her shoulder. She did nothing but continue to stare out the window. "Nicolette?" Barnabas whispered in her ear.

She turned to face him. "Why?" she demanded in an angry voice.

"I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen." He tried to turn her around to face him, but she refused to turn. "I've never felt so drawn to anyone as I do to you. I tried to stay away from you, but I couldn't."

"So, you've condemned me to a life of darkness, feeding off the living. I can never go home, or see anybody I know." He felt the sadness in her voice.

"I can't change what's happened, but you won't be alone. I'll always be here with you."

"I can't exist like this." She turned to face him. Her face was solemn, almost expressionless. "Please leave me."

He turned from her then left without saying anything else. He hoped when she was able to face what had happened to her, she would be willing to talk to him. She stayed in the bedroom all night. He went downstairs without seeing her again. He would try again the next night to speak with her.

He awoke the next evening to find Willie standing by the front door, nervously. "What is it?" Barnabas demanded, almost afraid to know what he had done.

"It's that girl you had here."

"You mean Nicolette?"

"Yes, she came downstairs this morning and went outside."

"You didn't stop her," Barnabas nearly screamed.

"I tried, but she walked right past me."

She burned to death in front of his home. Barnabas buried her at Eagle Hill Cemetery. He wished he could have done something for her to assuage the guilt he knew would never completely go away.

A woman's voice returned him to the present. He recognized the voice, and looked around for the source of it. He turned to find Nicolette standing by the door to the old house. He could do nothing but stare at her for a long moment. "Nicolette," he questioned, disbelieving she stood there.

"Yes, it's really me." She walked toward him.

"But I thought you were gone," he said still trying to comprehend how she
could be here.

"I was, but I'm here now."

"Then you were the one calling my name before?"

"Yes, that was me."

"Why could no one else here you?"

"Why should they. What happened to me was your fault. They think you're crazy." Nicolette looked toward a window. Barnabas followed her gaze to find Willie and Julia turning away from a window. He had assumed Julia returned to Collinwood. He hadn't seen her enter the house. "They believe you're here talking to nothing."

Barnabas walked in the old house to find Julia and Willie standing in the
drawing room talking. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not imagining
things."

"Of course not," Julia said approaching him. "We think you need a break from Collinsport. You've been here for so long, and so many negative things have happened, I believe a new environment would help you to forget about some of the things that happened."

"I'm not seeing things." The desperation for them to believe him was evident in his voice. "I don't need to go off somewhere and rest." He looked over his shoulder to find Nicolette watching. "She's standing right there." Barnabas pointed to where Nicolette stood. "But you can't see her. Only I can, because her death was my fault."

Julia looked to where he pointed, then turned to Barnabas with a worried expression. "Barnabas, look at me. No one's there. You can't keep doing this. You need to rest."

Yes, rest, maybe if he went far enough away, he would escape Nicolette. "Willie pack my bags. We'll leave tomorrow evening. Maybe your right Julia, maybe I do need to get away."

He went to New York, then Paris, and Italy, but it didn't matter where he went. Nicolette always followed, reminding him of what he had done. He returned to Collinsport a year later, and was greeted warmly by the whole family. Nicolette was there for that too, but he didn't say anything. They would think he was crazy. He pretended not to see anything, and Julia thought he had recovered. No matter what happened Nicolette was always there reminding him of what he had done.

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production.