Subj: HAWAIIAN HONEYMOON Part Five
Date: 7/20/00 10:51:45 PM Central Daylight Time
From: N.E. Collins

Julia strolled leisurely through the dense tropical undergrowth with Professor Hinkley her fellow castaway and intellectual equal on what they had come to call "Gilligan's Island." He was explaining to Julia how he could not fix the radio, but he had devised a plan to hypnotize the Skipper so he would recall how to transform the radio into a transmitter. Then they would try and contact "The Vagabond Lady", who was a female pilot who would be flying over their very island, and they could be rescued. Julia offerred her services as a licensed hypnotist. The Professor excepted her eagerly and they continued to become more intimate in their exchange.

"Dr. Hoffman, as a man of science, I must say how much I appreciate a woman of your esteemed caliber to be working with me in this most disagreeable circumstance. I can think of far worse company to be stranded on a deserted island with." He dropped his gaze and blushed.

His blushing was not lost on Julia who responded sweetly. "Professor, you really must call me by my first name. After all we are in quite different settings than we would normally be aquainted with and although our titles are both well earned I feel the need to take down some walls."

He smiled a big toothy grin. "And you must call me by first name. It is Roy. And I already know that yours is Julia. Julia! Like a precious gem!" Now it was Julia's turn to blush and turn away, and when she turned back she began to speak his name, but the sight that met her eyes on the other side of the pathway put the name of "Roy" light years away from being spoken. Instead she came out with an angry, "BARNABAS COLLINS!" Barnabas sprang back from his previous close proximity to Ginger Grant when he heard his wife bellow his name. "Just what in the HELL do you think you are doing?"

Barnabas answered before he gave it much thought. "Why, Julia, you startled me!"

"I bet I did at that!" She just stood there glaring at the man waiting for his next mistaken comment.

"Oh, Julia, there was nothing going on here. Really. I was just trying to get something out of Miss Grant's eye." He smiled nervously and pointed to his own eye as an example. Miss Grant just smiled unevenly and had the look of a deer caught in headlights.

Julia took three steps toward Barnabas. Three slow steps and then she stopped and spoke evenly. "Don't look now, dear, but you have something in your eye."

Barnabas chuckled softly. "And what might that be?"

"MY FIST!" And she punched him as hard as she could right in his eye! He fell back against a coconut tree howling in pain as he reached for his face. He slipped down the length of the trunk and wept on the ground. He finally spoke up through his sobs. "Julia! Have you completely lost your mind?!"

"Yes, Barnabas, I believe I have. Completely and absolutely. Since I first fell in love with you I have always had to sit back and watch you go after all these sweet young things and I have kept my mouth shut mostly. I mean considering that they were always half your age, and if the truth be told much more than half! But I didn't feel it was my place. And I have been to hell and back, quite literally, for you over the last few years. Why I have even traveled in ways that no one ever thought possible! And now, I find myself stranded on a deserted island with you as my legally married husband. And if you think for one minute that I am going to just sit back and watch you oogle another woman now, then baby, I am not the ONLY one here who is crazy!"

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production.