Subj: The Letter, Part 16
Date: 8/5/01 11:16:40 PM Central Daylight Time
From: R J Jamison

Julia Hoffman lay on her back fully engrossed in the story of her life and the truths she had hidden from herself. She watched the last five years of her life play over like a macabre stage play. Overlaying the play was her relationship and marriage to Taylor Blaylock.

“Just say ‘yes’ and that will be it!” Taylor was on bended knee in front of the Blaylock Building at Johns Hopkins University. Several people milled about watching Taylor on his knees and Julia’s frantic gaze about the area. Her face was beet red, her hands shook and her breath quickened.

“Taylor, have you finally, truly lost your mind?” She grabbed one of his arms and tried to pull him up.

“Come on, we’ve been going steady for two years, you knew I was going to ask you.”

“But here? Why here?” Julia’s voice cracked from anxiety. People were watching them, her and she hated that.

“This is where I first saw you, it’s where I fell in love with you.”

Julia sighed. “Oh, Taylor. Why do you want to marry me? You know I still have my residency. It’s not going to be a traditional marriage by a long shot.”

Taylor finally stood. “Did I ever say I wanted what everyone else has? How long have we known each other? I know what I’m getting and so do you.” Taylor took her in his arms and tried to kiss her. He knew she was annoyed and he loved it. He loved being able to get under her skin. “Does marrying me offend you so?”

“No. . it’s how you’ve chosen to ask me.” Julia kept her arms crossed and tapped her foot.

“I’m not apologizing for asking nor for where I asked. I have romantic fantasies too.” Taylor was certain Julia’s color deepened. Only two weeks ago had they finally made love, after two years of dating. Julia had been extremely cautious about it. She wanted no children to interfere with medical school, her internship and now her residency. While Taylor had originally been depressed to learn a few months ago that an adolescent case of the mumps had made him infertile, it had solved this issue with Julia. Since that night Julia could not take the little intimate jokes he made.

“All right, all right. I’ll think about it.” Julia smiled hesitantly.

“Think about it!” Taylor threw up his arms. He should’ve known, she would never say ‘yes’ to anything. “You know your answer, you just want to make sure you’ve thought of all the angles.”

Julia eyed him knowingly. It was true, she knew she was going to say yes but she was trying to talk herself out of it. She had come this far on her own, why bow to convention and take a husband, why become some other doctors wife? But he was Taylor. He was her friend, he loved her, she cared for him as much as she would care for anyone. He was a Blaylock and that wouldn’t be hurtful to her career. Her career, yes, she wanted that more than anything. She wanted to practice medicine just like her father. And marriage to Taylor would not interfere with that. Marriage to Taylor would in fact help. His family was prominent in Baltimore, having that name and his parents support to continue working (which she knew she had) would make so many other things easier. Julia refocused her eyes on Taylor. “I guess you know what you’re in for, you’ve signed up of your own free will. . .” she smiled at him. “Yes, I will marry you Taylor.”

The Blaylock family acquiesced to Julia’s wishes for a simple ceremony. Given that she had no immediately family, she did not wish to see a half empty church. However, within two weeks of the wedding a large, formal reception was thrown in their honor. Julia was officially introduced to Baltimore society as Dr. Julia Blaylock.

The years of Julia and Taylor’s residencies made them atypical from any other young married couple. They seldom saw one another and when they were together, they often slept. Upon completion of their residencies, Julia accepted a position at Johns Hopkins and Taylor joined a private partnership in general medicine. Their schedules were more reasonable and they enjoyed the social affairs of Baltimore and Washington, D. C. . They often traveled to New York City and took two vacations in Europe. Amidst all this Julia’s work at Johns Hopkins stood in stark contrast to her privileged personal life. She treated the unfortunate, the downtrodden and the forgotten of the city.

The days of constant questioning by her male colleagues was never easy but after three years, the questioning of her abilities had lessened. Her sympathies for the mentally ill were evident in her methods for treatment. Her non-work time was often dedicated to raising awareness of the issue in public forums. It was during one of these presentations in
late 1957 at a Ladies Auxiliary Club that awakened the need in Taylor to do more for the community that had provided so well for his family. The family had given much in terms of money but Taylor appreciated the fulfillment Julia seemed to receive from giving of herself. While his interests eventually diverged from Julia’s greatly, she supported and encouraged his emerging interests.

“I was thinking of going to this conference in Geneva in two months.” Taylor handed a brochure to Julia as she lay in their bed reading. Julia looked at it closely.

“Interesting, Dr. Boyd infected you with great enthusiasm for jungle adventure didn’t he?” Julia laughed.

“You think it’s silly.” Taylor pulled the brochure from her hands.

“No. I think it’s exciting.” Julia eyed him playfully. “Traipsing around the world looking for the next great medicine. It beats sitting in a sterile lab for years.” Taylor smiled at Julia.

She was good at turning these situations around so he wouldn’t feel foolish. He pulled her book out of her hands and pulled back the bedcovers. “Don’t you have to walk the dog?” She reminded him.

Taylor frowned. His parents were out of town and this duty did fall to him. “Don’t avoid it, I’ll be here when you get
back.” Julia reached back for the covers.

She watched Taylor dejectedly leave the room and call for the dog. “Poopsie, come here girl! Why the hell did my Mother give the dog such a stupid name?” He called from the hallway.

Julia waited until he was out of the house. She put out the light and turned on her side. If she was going to quickly fall asleep or fake it, she needed a few minutes to relax. She knew Taylor would be disappointed to find her ‘out of the mood’ but she couldn’t be bothered. She had no idea why he or any other man so desired sex. She did not understand it. It was an uncomfortable, sweaty affair and one where she had felt reasonably satisfied only a few times.

While she read the latest, newest publication on the issues of female sexuality including Sexual Behavior in the Human Female by Alfred Kinsey, she couldn’t believe that as many women reached orgasm as he said. He had documented as high as forty-seven percent! She found it a difficult thing achieve and often faked it with Taylor just to get him off of her. She wasn’t certain if he knew or not. Sometimes she knew her acting was particularly bad. Julia sighed. Taylor was an attractive man, curly brown hair which fell over his brow, the large brown eyes and long lashes. But she had never felt the way she knew she was supposed to feel. She remembered her Mother’s much too frank openness about
the attraction she’d felt toward Julia’s Father. ‘When he touches me, its like fire, lightening!”

Julia had been sixteen and getting ready for her first date. ‘If any boy makes you feel like that, you come talk to me right away.’ Her mother had warned. ‘Yes Mama.’ But here it was over ten years later and no boy, not even her husband, had made her feel like that.

Taylor returned from the conference in Geneva with a new life mission, research. “Just think about it Julia. . . wandering the world looking for new plants, herbs, roots, all to help with pharmaceutical research. Adventure and philanthropy all in one! Dr. Boyd would like us both on his next team!”

“Both?” Julia put down the dog.

“Yes. I told him about your interest in blood disorders, the possible ties between mental illness and blood abnormalities. He has read some research and your two journal pieces. He thinks you’d be invaluable.”

Julia stared blankly at her husband. Yeah, and he thinks I’ll take care of their laundry and house needs too. “No.” She shook her head. “Taylor, you don’t even have a background in entomology.”

“What?” Taylor hadn’t expected this reaction.

Two weeks later, Julia and Taylor sat at a restaurant overlooking Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. Their meal had passed without much conversation. Taylor was making one last attempt to entice Julia to join Dr. Boyd’s research expedition. He had made many arguments over the last fourteen days and he was not winning. They were now tired of arguing and tired from it.

“The shrimp scampi was nice.” Julia offered.

“Yes. I enjoyed mine too.” Taylor looked at the band picking up their instruments on the dais. “Just a minute.” Julia watched him go to the bandleader. She knew what he’d be requesting. Her heart dreaded the moment when he fully accepted that she was not going with him. She hoped he wouldn’t figure out why, not exactly.

The bandleader nodded to Julia, whispered to the band and struck up the familiar song. Taylor returned to collect Julia. “One last dance before I leave.” He said sadly. Julia took his hand and followed him onto the floor. They were not alone; three other couples had quickly jumped when they heard the familiar refrain of “Night and Day” by Cole Porter. Taylor took Julia in a familiar embrace and moved slowly to the song. After the first refrain, he began to sing
along, as he always did, in her ear,

Night and day, why is it so
That this longin' for you follows wherever I go ?
In the roarin' traffic's boom
In the silence of my lonely room
I think of you day and night

Night and day, under the hide of me
There's an oh, such a hungry yearnin' burnin' inside of me
And its torment won't be through
Till you let me spend my life makin' love to you
Day and night, night and day

Julia eventually broke from the intimacy of the embrace. Taylor’s betrayed eyes saw the final truth of the moment and he knew he was alone. As Julia tried to pull away, her sweater became entangled in Taylor’s wedding band. He laughed half-heartedly. “You always said, I should get this little sliver smoothed out.” He freed himself from her. She gazed up at him.

“I’m sorry that I can’t go with you.”

“As am I.” He touched her back and guided her back to the table.

“You do understand?” She asked hopefully. Taylor did not look at her but gazed out the windows. She hoped he understood that she could not just pick up and leave her practice so easily. She was judged differently, harshly because she was a woman, going with Taylor would be seen as flighty and uncommitted to her work.

“I understand that I’ve had blinders on for many years.” Taylor removed several bills from his wallet and placed them on the table. “Let’s call it a night, shall we.”

Douglas Blaylock watched his son and daughter-in-law in the driveway. He had been awoken by the heated argument. His wife was still soundly asleep, oblivious to the break-up of her son’s marriage. He had felt its imminent arrival for the last few years.

“Your career—is that all you think about!” Taylor yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Yes!” Julia responded honestly. “I always wanted to practice medicine, ever since I was a little girl playing in my father’s office, you know that!”

“It’s an obsession with you. . . it’s unhealthy—“

“To get anywhere in this body, I have to be driven. You boys weren’t going to let me into your club without a huge fight!”

“But you are ‘in’ Julia. . you are ‘in’. . .why do you continue to fight?” Taylor was exasperated by this argument which had now been going nowhere for nearly an hour.

“In? You think I am ‘in’?” Julia mocked him. “Has anyone of your colleagues asked me to lunch without you just to talk? To exchange ideas, theories? Have any of those old bastards from the hospital asked me to tee off with them?! Have they?”

Taylor ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t see what lunch with a bunch of old geezers has to do with you and I going to Africa—“

“No, you don’t see. You can go on your little research mission, stay gone for the eighteen months and walk right back into your practice.” Julia had stopped yelling but continued her lecture with an icy tone. “If I go, I don’t have these little
relationships’ to fall back on to get me back ‘in’. I’d have to start all over and you know they’d judge me as ‘flakey’ for one, following you and two, not knowing what type of medicine I want to practice!”

Taylor did see her point but forced it out of his head. “All that aside, we could do some real important work and be together. Otherwise, I go it alone because I am going, Julia, I am going.” He tried to stare her down. She did not flinch from him or his threat. And then it dawned on him, it did not bother her, an eighteen month absence from one another. He could barely face the thought and she stood before him with no qualms about such a separation. “You want me to go without you, don’t you?”

Julia did not avert her eyes. “I’ve wanted you to feel the same passion for your work that I feel for mine.”

“And that is the passion that will sustain us? you?” He asked coldly.

Julia frowned. “It’s one passion in the world. There are others but the one that helps give you purpose—“

Taylor turned his back on her. “I understand Julia. I’ll be leaving in two weeks with Dr. Boyd’s team.” He walked into the house, leaving her alone.

When Julia finally entered the house, she saw the light on in the Study. She knew Douglas had observed the entire episode. She threw her head back wearily and mounted the stairs. She arrived at the bedroom and upon entering it found Taylor collecting a few things from the bedside table.

“I’ll stay in the room across the hall until I leave.”

She watched him pick up his latest spy novel and notebook. Taylor always woke in the middle of the night with ideas that he invariably lost the next morning. Julia had purchased the little notebook for the bedside and in it he recorded his brainstorms. She rued the night nine months ago when he dreamed of some strange plant being eaten by one of his patients and being cured by it. It had started the whole interest in emerging medicines and global research expeditions. “Is that really necessary? We had a fight, we’ve fought before—“

“But this is different.”

“Because I won’t be your total slave?” She asked.

“No,” Taylor stood squarely before her. “Because I won’t be yours.” He then stepped aside and left her alone in the bedroom. She heard him cross the hall, enter the other bedroom and close the door.

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production.