Subj: The Letter, Part 20
Date: 8/21/01 5:32:06 PM Central Daylight Time
From: R J Jamison

Taylor Blaylock had been gone nearly sixteen months when his mother died of ovarian cancer. He came home early the spring of 1959 to help his father say goodbye. The remaining members of his family, his father and Julia, went through the motions. Her illness had consumed much of Julia and Douglas’s life for the last six months. Douglas had decided not to tell Taylor based on the wishes of his wife. She wanted Taylor to remember her as a healthy, vital and beautiful woman. Upon returning to Baltimore, Taylor had struggled with the realization of his mother’s long illness.

Guilt and pain had washed over him until he found a letter she had been composing to him in her last days. Within it she had expressed great love, pride and hope that his life and his work would bring him all that he desired. She hoped too that one day, he and Julia would find a way to have a family. She begged him to not be angry for not revealing her condition to him. She explained her reasons and Taylor found comfort in them. He and his mother had understood one another well. However, she had failed to see or decided to ignore the shattered remains of his marriage. He looked up from the letter after reading it for the hundredth time. He looked across the sitting room at his wife. She looked tired. She had been kind since his return but she had not fallen into his arms in contrition. “Shall it be divorce then?” He asked.

Julia jerked to attention. “What?” She did not understand what he was asking.

“I will be going back and I have already spoken to the Foundation that funds Dr. Boyd’s work about another expedition to South America.”

“I see.” Julia crossed her arms. “And you want a divorce. Is that what you said?”

“I asked if you want one.” God no I don’t want a divorce, he thought, I want you to come with me!

“No I don’t want one but I still am not positioned yet to abandon my practice here and follow you on another expedition.”

No divorce and no participation on the expedition. She had given him nothing. “So, what is the cover story?”

Julia wrinkled her brow. “I see no need for a cover story. You have decided to pursue a career of research, I am committed to mine.” Julia stood and began pacing in front of the small fireplace. “I’ll keep your home fires burning. Besides, it would not be a good time to make an abrupt change for your Father.”

My Father, she has become quite devoted to my Father, Taylor mused. He hadn’t seen Julia caring for his Mother but he understood she had also shown great dedication to her as well. “I have no need to be free at this time. We can discuss it when I return from South America.” Taylor stood to leave the room. “I’ll be making arrangements to leave in two weeks time. My team is assembled and waiting for me.”

“Taylor,” Julia closed the distance between them. She wanted to wish him luck, say she was sorry she was not capable of more, she was sorry she was afraid, she was just sorry. “Good luck.” She whispered.

Taylor saw the conflict in her eyes. He knew there was much she wanted to say but was incapable of getting it past her lips. He wished he knew what it would take to reach her, to tell her it was safe and that she could do anything. He believed in it even if she did not. But it wasn’t his or anyone’s belief in her that worried Julia, he now understood it was
access. And the world being what it was, he had already given her all that he could in terms of help with access. “Julia, why don’t you just stop fighting and take charge?”

She failed to understand him. “What do you mean?”

Taylor shrugged. “You have a little money, I have, well, a lot of money. Why don’t you think about opening up your own clinic. Why waste anymore time with the old cronies who can’t past the skirt.” Taylor leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

After Taylor left Baltimore for South America, life changed again for Julia. She returned to a full time schedule at Johns Hopkins Hospital and to an evolving relationship with her father-in-law. She had grown quite close to him during Mrs. Blaylock’s illness and now he seemed quite dependent on Julia at times and she easily fell into his caretaker. He was only fifty-five but was lost without the daily assistance of his wife. She had taken care of so many of his basic needs. He didn’t even know how to make a cup of coffee. But Julia was not about to assume the traditional role of housewife even for her mourning father-in-law. Her schedule at the hospital and his needs began to wear her down. After several months of trying to find workable arrangements, permanent changes were necessary and Julia realized, she would have to broach the subject with him.

“Why don’t we hire a full time housekeeper and cook?” Julia suggested as she pushed around the horrible meal she had prepared.

Douglas smiled. “You never said you were a good cook.” He took the plate and put it in the kitchen sink. “I’ll ask Mildred if she’s interested in working full time and about her culinary skills.”

Julia smiled as she deposited her plate next to his in the sink. “I spent time with my Papa and not enough time in the kitchen with Mama.” They stood silently looking out the kitchen window to the large lawn below and the beautiful garden being lit by the early evening sun. Douglas was acutely aware of and nervous about his current living arrangement. He had pushed aside wayward thoughts about his daughter-in-law some time ago but now that they were living alone, both alone, in this house, they had begun to visit him again. She was such an unusual, and unusual looking, girl; tall, skinny with wispy red hair and amazing green eyes. She was not at all like his wife or mistresses. They had all been small, full figured and able to throw together a dinner for eight in forty-five minutes. Julia had full, beautiful lips though and slender legs, her laugh--- stop, Douglas ordered himself.

Julia turned to see Douglas gazing at her unabashedly. He stayed that way for several moments then jumped when he fully realized she was looking up at him. His focus changed and Julia felt something between them that she did not completely understand. She returned the intensity of his look. Douglas jerked and then smiled awkwardly. “Look at us, lost in thought.” He patted her hand and left her. Julia looked down at her hand. She remembered what her mother had said, ‘When he touches me, it’s like fire, lightening! If any boy makes you feel like that, you come talk to me right away.’ Julia raised the cool hand to her face; it was warm. And her Mother was no longer available to help her.

Douglas hired a full time housekeeper and cook. The house was no longer empty and Julia began pursuing some private project that she refused to share with Douglas. Douglas had resumed his full time work schedule and began taking several out of town and out of country trips. Their schedules for nearly three months were so busy, they saw each other only to pick up morning coffee in the kitchen or a glass of milk before bed. They both laughed at their passing in the night relationship but both secretly sighed each time they did pass.

As the second Christmas arrived since Mrs. Blaylock’s passing, an exchange of notes and quick calls cemented Julia and Douglas’s plans for the Holiday. They spent Christmas Eve at the home of Douglas’s attorney, Charles Llewellyn and other friends. It was a social evening of cultural and political discussions. Julia shied away from medical questions from any ailing individual and Douglas did not discuss international trade. At midnight they found themselves alone in their large home before the fireplace and Christmas tree. Julia sat on the bench before the fireplace sipping a hot rum that Douglas had prepared. Douglas sat next to her. He stared at the fire for several minutes.

“I like your green velvet dress.” Douglas commented.

Julia smiled. “Thank you, I was afraid it was too much.” She glanced down at the knee length dress and the cut of the gown. It was a bit more snug than she normally wore and the neckline was lower. She had seen it, tried it on and purchased it after she had seen the reaction of a husband waiting for his wife. His raised brows and smile assured the dress’s purchase.

“It is Christmas, shall we exchange presents?” He asked with a twinkle.

“Santa hasn’t been here yet.” Julia laughed.

“Oh, is he coming?”

“You’ve been a good boy, haven’t you?” Julia sipped from her glass.

“Always. Well, I want to give you one thing and then we can retire so St. Nick can come.” Douglas went to the tree and selected a gold foil wrapped box. He handed it to his daughter-in-law and took her glass. “Open it now he demands.” Julia smiled and complied with the jovial order. She meticulously removed the foil wrapping and set it aside. She suspected the box contained a scarf or some handkerchiefs similar to his gift last year. She had known that last year’s gifts were the first he had actually ever purchased by himself since his wife was gone. She shook the lid off and saw a document. She looked up at Douglas with a puzzled expression. “Read it.”

Julia unfolded the document; it was a property deed. “Douglas!” She saw it was the deed to property she had recently inquired about in Maine.

“I know they told you ‘no’ but I was able to get a ‘yes’ out of them.” He smoothed the folded pages. “I’d be sorry to see you go my dear girl but I think you area ready for a new challenge.” He smelled her musky perfume and felt his thoughts begin to cloud. He remembered seeing her at the party laughing at an inane joke and throwing him a ‘can we leave’ look. He had known coming home tonight was risky with the amount of holiday liquor in both of them.

“I don’t know what to say. . . I know right now it’s practically a resort for bored, rich women but it has the potential and facilities to be a first class treatment center.” Julia looked up and saw the look in Douglas’s eyes she had been avoiding for months. Their eyes locked and she felt her entire body awakening. She felt her face flush, her palms begin to perspire and her most intimate parts ache. This is what her mother had talked about. The lightening, the fire, desire had finally found her. “Douglas, thank you.” She whispered. I must move away now, I need to break this gaze a small, tiny voice tried to warn. But the larger moment, the two eyes pulling at one another’s souls defeated all the warning voices. Douglas brushed a few errant strands from Julia’s brow and then placed a delicate kiss on her lips. Once their lips touched lightly, they each exhaled loudly and pulled one another closer. Julia’s body melted in a way that was completely new and foreign. Her body fit into his arms easily and completely. Douglas’s hands moved in a furious pace across her back, arms, and waist. In a well-maneuvered shift, Douglas and Julia lay before the fire exploring one another. She felt his lips on her skin and craved them to find each sensitive spot of her body. Julia’s hands passed over Douglas chest and back, she unfastened his belt and moved to allow Douglas to pull more successfully at her dress.

“God, I’ve wanted you for years.” He whispered in her ear.

Julia nodded and pulled at his shirt. She had never felt this way, this amount of desire. Her hands danced across his strong chest. She kneaded the muscles and kissed his body. Douglas’s hands moved along her inner thighs. She breathed hotly in his ear. She wanted his hands to move further, she had never wanted Taylor inside her like this. Inside her? Oh God! She was with Taylor’s father! His father was touching her and seeing her writhe uncontrollably.

“No! no,” Julia gasped and twisted herself away from Douglas. “This is so wrong.” She pulled down the hem and drew up the peeled away portion of the dress.

Douglas rolled onto his back and groaned loudly. “I know, God I know.” He covered his eyes with a crooked arm. “That’s why I bought Wyndcliffe. We can’t live together. I can’t be around you without wanting this.”

“But why me?” Julia had raised herself back onto the bench. “You have a mistress.”

“Had, past tense. I don’t know maybe because you seemed so oblivious to it.” Douglas turned to stare at the fire. “Taylor told me you had only one passion, your work.”

Julia’s face hardened. “Taylor discussed our sex life with you?” She wouldn’t have believed it. Taylor and his father did not seem that close. She did not think men really discussed sexual matters other than to jest or make crude remarks.

“No specifics dear girl,” Douglas watched her stiffen before him. The languid creature he’d had in his arms was gone. “He only said that he wished you felt more passion for him and less for your work.” Douglas sat up. “I think in some strange way I was challenged by that, I wanted to awaken this in you.”

“And now you’ve done it, you can move on.” Julia stood. “I’ve never felt so ‘awoken’ and dirty in my whole life.”

Douglas became alarmed. “No, Julia.” He stood and tried to take her into his arms.

“Don’t touch me.” She moved away from him and bent to pick up the deed to Wyndcliffe. “I’ll move to Maine as soon as I can arrange it.”

“I don’t want you to walk out of here feeling cheap or dirty.”

Julia’s fear erupted in anger as she smirked at him. “Cheap?” She held up the deed. “I am anything but cheap Mr. Blaylock.”

Douglas’s face hardened. “I love you dear girl, don’t cheapen the fact that we reached out to one another.” Julia threw her head back to block his words. “I miss my wife and you, you’ve made a few poor choices—“

“Poor choices?” She retorted.

“Yes. You could have gone with Taylor to Africa and South America. He loves you --”

Julia waived away his comments. “I stand by my choices. I have enough of a professional reputation to make Wyndcliffe work, and as for passion. . .” Julia looked back at the fire. “It doesn’t seem to have served Taylor, you or me very well. I can just as well live my life without it, thank you.”

Under the canopy of the Amazon jungle, Julia opened her eyes to find Barnabas sitting above her. She lay several years away from her memories and several miles from the choice to leave Baltimore, Douglas and her tattered marriage. Barnabas lifted her head and asked that she drink slowly. She did as he directed. After several minutes of gazing at the stars she sat up. She looked at Barnabas, “I’ve made many stupid choices.”

Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production.